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Thread: A spanking question

  1. #1
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    A spanking question

    Hi. I am new to this board. I have a child who just turned 5. Growing up I was spanked by a belt on the bare bottom. My mother would make me pull my pants down and lie down on the bed while she hit with me with the belt. By todays standards people would say I was abused but I was given lots of love growing up and I respect my elders.

    My child is running wild and I have tried things like time out and taking away toys etc. I have given my child a swat over their clothing but it doesn't seem to phase them. My mother says I should do what she did to me but I wonder whether this would be right. Is taking a childs pants down for a spanking going too far? is using a belt going too far?

    If you use these methods then let me know. I won't judge you. I know I was raised the same way and it worked for me. I just want to know if there are parents out there who still spank in the same way my mother did. I want someone to relate to.

    Thanks


    Kimmie

  2. #2
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    Hi Kimmie, welcome.
    Thanks for being so open about this issue. It is so controversial for Christians and non alike. I was spanked. A wooden paddle on a bare bottom, but over my mom's lap. I spank my kids. I did a Bible Study called Motherwise by Denise Glenn and these are the steps she gives, which I agree with:
    1. Identify the broken rule. Ask your child to restate rule broken and confess the wrong.
    2. If child is old enough, send to his room to his bed while you go get the paddle. Pray on the way to get the paddle, "Lord, let it be not too much and not too little." (Little ones will need to go with you to get the paddle--they can't wait) This also ensures you are not spanking out of anger.
    3. 3 swats administered to buttocks.
    4. Hold and comfort child. She suggests something like " I love you too much to let you act like that. I hate to spank you but I will do whatever it takes to help you be the wonderful person God intends for you to be."
    5. Fellowship between mom and child restored.
    She also suggests that if the fellowship is not restored, to leave the child alone 15-20 min and return to talk it out. I heard once that a proper spanking should produce a sweet child. They did wrong, realized it and were corrected. She says nothing about clothing, but we spank on top of clothes unless the infraction is very severe.
    Just my 2 cents. Hope it helps.
    Amity
    Wife of Darrell,
    Mom to: Stephen 10/98, Wyatt 7/00 and Heidi 8/02

  3. #3
    Registered User TSSR's Avatar
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    Beware of TROLLS

    Whenever these type questions come up, I am always leary...
    Because HE lives,

  4. #4
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    Spanking

    I have 4 children. I spank them with their pants on with a ping pong paddle. it covers their whole butt and it does not leave marks and it give a temporary sting to get their attention. I believe pulling down their pants is embarassing(it used to be done to me). The belt is a NO NO. it leaves welps and it hurts . the belt is used for pants. I see your concern. I was brought up the same way. horse whips were used too. That is abuse . though my parents loved me alot. There is also a procedure for spanking.1) make sure they know what they did and they can repeat it to you. they need to know what the did wrong. 2) spank
    3) love on them and pray. Dont mention the incident agian it works for me. Sarah V
    your not a bad mom. your learning just as we all are

  5. #5
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    I also spank my son. One thing that I have learned as an educator is that there is another reason to use a paddle of some sort. The child will associate the object with punishment and your hand with affection. Feelings of abuse arise when children are spanked with a hand. I do not, however, spank him on the bare bottom. I use a large wooden spoon and he can feel the sting through his pants. It has helped tremendously and he now knows he does not want to see the spoon.

  6. #6
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    Wow, I can't believe we have so many spankers. I think half of the kids today could use a swift smack on the bottom!

    I was spanked as a child, but I knew that I was doing something wrong to warrant it. My parents knew I was smart enough to know that if I didn't want a spanking, I shouldn't lie (that's why I always got it) ;-)

    I only spank my 5 year old when I can't get her attention. When she was younger I would only spank her if she was doing something that could cause harm to either her or someone else. Thankfully she scares easily so I don't have to spank often.

    This is a tough topic. And I HATE to see other kids getting popped, but I continually pray for/about my kids and others. Every child is different, every parent is different. Each parent must wade through to see what they're comfortable with and what works for the kids. God bless you and pray often that Gods will is being done.

    Love in Christ
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  7. #7
    Registered User TSSR's Avatar
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    As my husband always states...he had fear and reverence for the "paddle" and did not want to see it too often. This helped keep him out of trouble, he says, without any doubt.

    "Spare the rod, spoil the child." The BIBLE instructs us to NOT spare the rod, if it is needed, then it is needed. That simple.

    SPOIL in this context means ROT, like a piece of fruit rotting...I see alot of rotten kids today...I am sure you would agree. And it is NOT their fault.

    "Children today are tyrants. They contradict their parents, gobble their food, and tyrannize their teachers." --Socrates (nice to know some things never change)
    Because HE lives,

  8. #8
    Registered User wonka2's Avatar
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    This is a very difficult area.

    In Scotland there is attempts to make it illegal to spank your child, there have been several well [ overly] publicised cases of parents being taken to court over this issue. As a consequence I try never to chastise the children in public.

    We had considered going to live in Scandanavia , where it is against the law to physically punish a child, so we had to think hard about our methods.
    We do try to avoid using anything physical on the older ones - as they can understand the reasons, consequences etc - the younger ones will still get a quick swat on the bot. if ness.

    As a general rule we give a max. of 3 smacks with our hand, on the clothed bottom with our hand [ unless they happen to be unclothed at the time ie bath-time ] it hurts us too that way, physically as well as emotionally. I often find I bite my lip as I smack ??

    I was smacked as a child and when we were in school the belt was still used as a punishment, it was banned shortly befoe I left school , and even in that short time we could see the deterioration of discipline in the class. The threat of a stronger punishment worked well as a deterrent.

    As with everything else, each child is an individual so needs to be treated as such.
    The real key to parenting is CONSISTANCY so what ever you do stick to it.
    Wonka2
    from Bonny Scotland =0->-

    Titus 2:4 That they may teach the young women to be sober, to love their husbands, to love their children,


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    I am a spanker, and I have to say I really enjoyed the post above that stated about the proceedures to take, I will have to start trying that one. I also feel Spare the Rod spoil the child..
    ~*~Jennifer~*~
    Wife to Jonathan
    Mome to Micah 1-8-01
    & Hope 12-3-02

  10. #10
    Registered User TSSR's Avatar
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    Someone mentioned USING a tool of some sort to spank versus the hand, ie a wooden spoon, switch. Well - - when you DO USE something then it can be a bit more dangerous legality wise.

    But I remember seeing a sign someone paid to have displayed:

    IT IS STILL LEGAL TO SPANK YOUR CHILD

    Most people think it is against the law already...in these days we DO NEED to be cognisent and be careful when and where...but The Bible is still truth, so ... That is what we need to follow...
    Because HE lives,

  11. #11
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    I to am a spanker. Although I have to say it is not something I
    feel happy about. It saddens me when I have to spank my son
    but I know it is what God has commanded of me. I completely
    agree with the steps that were mentioned above and out of
    experience it works very well. It is very important to remember
    to also give yourself time to cool down before spanking. NEVER
    spank a child when you are angered. Before spanking let your child know what he/she did then send them to their room to think about it. This will give you time to cool down. After 5-10 minutes
    go back into the room and ask the child what they did to warrant
    a spanken. If they do not know then explain it clearly to them!
    Also always be consistent and make sure you lay down the rules
    For instance if your child lies say "lying is wrong" then explain why and say if you lie again you will be spanked. You could also pray with your child after their punishment. And most importantly always let them know that you love them very much.

  12. #12
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    Newbie here

    Hi Ladies, this is only my second post but I tend to agree with you all. IF we are christians then we are doing the right thing. There is a deffinant line between abuse and a spanking. I really don't care for those people who seem to think spanking falls into the abuse catagory. I see way to many kids out of control today. I have 5 children ages 2-24 I have seen a huge change in our society.


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    I too was spanked

    This is my first entry, but I'd like to respond even though it's been several months since this topic has been discussed. I too was spanked as a child. There were times when it truly was that...a spanking and there were times when it was more than that and turned into a beating. And folks, there is a difference. It has taken me years to understand the difference. A spanking when done with love, reason and consistency is probably the best form of discipline anyone can utilize. I'm older now, but even so, there are times that I still wish my mother was around to turn me over her knee because of some of the stupid or just wrong choices I've made from time to time. There are those who probably don't agree, but I know a lot of adults who could probably benefit from having to be submissive to a parental-type discipline such as this because it truly can bring about a different perspective. No, as adults, that shouldn't be needed, but I think sometimes it does. In any event, good for you...to all of you good parents trying to raise good, upstanding children into adulthood. Keep up the good work.

    Callie

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    I use consistant love and disipline. no, I don't spank my children but I did when they we little in the no,no stage. I learned to show how proud I was for goods things done and how disapointed I was when they did wrong. No they are not perfect, but they are 14,16 and neither have ever been in trouble. They talk to me about anything. Although thier dad doesn't do family things I spend my weekends with the kids. When they want to do something it's not always I am going here or there with a friend it's hey mom lets go do something. You bring them up with both love and understanding and they give back.
    Wanda

  15. #15
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    My son is 8 and he gets his spankings exactly how you and I both got ours, Kimmie--belt on his bare bottom. Where I live spanking is perfectly legal. As to what Sarah said, the belt doesn't leave welts unless you are swinging it with all your might (at least for someone my size. My husband is bigger and just uses his open hand.)

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