Stay at Home Mom

[photorea]

I've been a Stay At Home Mom for a little over a year now, and altho I love it, some days I just get so stressed out and burned out! I have three kids, and sometimes I feel so outnumbered. I feel like I have no "me" time, and when I get the chance for "me" time, I'm usually so exhausted that I can't enjoy it. My husband works in retail, so he works crazy hours and usually long stretches. He also is active in the National Guard, and when he is away for his weekend it is really hard. Next month he goes for his two week annual training, and I'm DREADING that. Not only because I will miss him but because I look forward to him coming home at the end of the day so I can have some help and some adult conversation.

I'm just feeling majorly burned out. I know that right now my calling is to be a stay at home mom, and generally i'm pretty excited about that. Is the "burned out" feeling normal and what can I do to overcome that? any suggestions??

[LesKremer]

Being a stay at home mom is the toughest job I've ever done. A couple suggestions I have would be to get involved in something like MOPS this fall where you can have some adult time while the kiddos are taken care of. Another consideration is a Bible Study that offers child care. Myself and a couple of my friends started doing a Bible Study during nap time 1 day a week. The older kids play quietly while the mommy's are talking and the little ones sleep. It really is nice to just have some adult interaction!

[HappyMommy]

Hey!
I 'am a stay ay home mommy of 3 little ones as well. and I can totally relate with you. my hubby works long hours too. My calling right now is to be a SAHM also, I totally know where your coming from when you say you get burnt out, so do I! Most days by 5 Im looking at the clock hoping he's not going to be much longer, when 7 rolls around, I 'am exhausted. Getting out of the house once a day is very helpful. Maybe attending a play-group. if your lucky enough to have a christian moms play-group/prayer group, that would be the best! we're from such a small town, its not that easy here though I have been praying about it!
I know what your going through, if nothing else we can be a rock for one another, I 'am here for ya, anytime you want to chat.

[jamesmommy]

I've only been a SAHM for a few months and I know how you feel. I love being with my little one but itdoes get stressful. My husband is a firefighter and works 24 sometimes 48 hour shifts. I agree with HappyMommy though, it is good to get out of the house. I'd love to chat with you ladies to anytime.

[becky84]

Oh my gosh, you sound just like me! I've been a stay-at-home-mom off and on since my first child was born (I have a 3-year-old and a 20-month-old), and my husband is also in the National Guard (Air Force). I HATE drill weekends! By the time it's over and Monday rolls around, it feels like it was never really over and we haven't seen each other for 2 weeks! So I hear ya on that. He's only been in the military for 2 years, so we haven't really found a solution to that yet. Workin on it.

Me-time ended 3 years ago. I don't even know what that feels like anymore, because it's like you said, when you do get time alone or with your honey you're so tired and frazzled you can't enjoy it. I get so exhausted and have so many thoughts swirling around that my brain just shuts off and I can't even think anymore.

Sometimes I feel like I'm losing my purpose, I question what my purpose really is, like if staying home really is a purpose in and of itself, or is there something else I should be doing? But at the end of the day when my kids are sleeping and I look at their peaceful little faces and know that they are safe and loved, I can see no purpose more worth fulfilling. My parents divorced when I was 4, and my mom was always working. I basically raised my little sister, and I don't ever want my kids to have to go through that. So I just trust God every day, that he will take care of us and show me the way. That's all I can do, really, because I'm not in control anyway!

I don't know any other military families, so if you want to chat or email me, please feel free. It would be cool to talk to someone who understands!

[healthymom]

I just read your posts on being a sahm and thought i would add a thought. I am older than you girls, 43, and I made the choice to stay home with my children and have been here for 21 years. I have 3 children, 21, 18 and 10. It is the hardest thing you will ever do but so worth it in the end. When my oldest, only daughter went to college I lost it. It was like a chapter in my life was over. I was so proud of her but it hurt, bittersweet I guess you would say. The one thing that gave me confort was that I knew I had raised her and been there for her. It gave me comfort to know that. I am now going thru another change, she will graduate in may, marry in June, son will graduate High School, and youngest is finishing elementary school. I am okay right now but time will tell, lol. I have decided that I needed to invest myself in something for myself and maybe contribute to the budget so I have started a home business. It has helped me so much. I am still home for my youngest which I want but I also am doing something that makes me feel good about myself. I don't really think I could go out and get a job that would be worth my time. I own my own debt-free business. I made no investment, bought no inventory, I don't sell, deliver or collect money. I am very proud of what I have been blessed to find. I hope that an older moms view might have helped you guys. Hang in there you will be glad you did. If anyone has interest in making some money from home just send me a message. Blessings, Tammi

[javinjen@yahoo.]

Hi Tammi,

Hope your day is gong well.. I am very interested in making some money at home, lets talk. Look forward to your reply...Jennifer :-)

[sssygirl]

I have been there girl!!
MOPS was a life saver for me!! My boys are 17mo apart, and we moved to the other side of the state when they were babies. I knew no one, and was pretty lonely staying home with them. I joined a local MOPS group. Through that, I met a gal in my neighborhood who did a weekly playgroup..from there I had 2 outlets with women in my same walk of life. I also tried to get out and do things with the kids.
I cannot imagine how hard it is for you with your husband going away. But you will get through it. Prayers for you and your family!

[momma579]

I have been a stayathome mom for gosh almost 15 years, it doesnt get easier just different kind of crazy! Enjoy it because older they get you will miss it, I always thought people were crazy who told me that when mine were all babies and now I know a little different ...

[luv2kidz]

I have been stay-at-home mom for almost 4 years now! Sheesh. I also have a 14 month old. Yes, I can say that I experience burn out! I am exhausted with two, can't imagine 3! Bless your heart! My husband is a university teacher/choir director, and works strange hours, plus travels, and has plenty of concerts. I do stare at the clock on the long days, and just pray to get through the day! It is a total blessing, but is hard! It really builds your character and strengthens you. Hang in there! I am still struggling with some aspects, as we just moved across country, away from all family, friends, and familiarity, so juggling all that. Lean on the Lord. Get connected with your church. Play dates are good. Find a reliable baby sitter, even to go out by yourself for an hour! It's so important to be replenished! Smile and remember to stop and smell the roses. Look at your kids. . . they love you!

[jamesmommy]

I know how you feel! My husband is a firefighter and gone for days at a time sometimes. I definately get burned out. I suggest you read the book Passionate Housewives desperate for GOD. It completely changed my life. It was written by two housewives who knew that burned out feeling and turned to God. Since I have read it I have had a lot more calm days and enjoy what I do because I know that it is My calling to be at home. It helps you become a Proverbs 31 woman.

[DiamondRing]

When I burn out, I get out the dvd's let the kids watch movies, and let my daughter take over with cooking (she's 12 and make easy stuff) and just take a couple days off. I pay for later by having a big mess to clean, but by then I am refreshed and can work twice as fast, so it gets cleaned up quickly then I turn off the tv again and spend quality time with the kids again doing fun activities again. Since the tv is off mostly in our home now (until evening anyway when I put on TBN), they never mind these times b/c they see it as a special treat.

[TurnbullMommy]

I've been a stay at home mommy for nearly 5 years now and I still have days like that - where you're just ready to throw in the towel and say "nuts to this!"
I was a very baby Christian (only saved for about a year) when my oldest was born. I tried to do everything on my own strength - housework, motherhood, being a wife - and I always felt like I was falling short. I felt like everything I did was pointless - I clean and I have a little person behind me making it dirty again, I do all the laundry and it somehow doubles overnight!
It was only after I took the Bible study MasterLife that I learned the importance of beginning each day with Christ and how if you give Him the first part of your day, he will bless you for the rest of it!
I started very modestly and woke up only 10min early to say a quick prayer before I started my day. It seemed to help. Slowly over time, I wanted to pray more and more, but my kids would wake up and interrupt me. It was suggested to my that I should just start waking up earlier - to which my answer was "are you crazy!? If I wake up any earlier, I won't make it clear through the day!"
I stepped out in faith though and set my alarm for 30min earlier. God truly blessed our time together. Not only was I not tired, but I had more energy, compassion and love for my kids than I ever could have mustered up on my own. The "high" you get from Christ is better than all the sugar and coffee in the world combined!
It took a while for me to realize it, but if my relationship with God wasn't right, then none of my relationships were! If you're not putting Christ at the center of your life and #1 on your priority list, then everything will seem pointless and you wil get burnt out.
Don't get me wrong, I still have days where I feel like pulling my hair out, but those are the days where I hit snooze through my quiet time with God or I let my emotion control my responces (Galatians talks about the Fruit of the Spirit and how you need to have self control)
In Ecc. it talks about a chord of 3 strands is not easily broken. You are one strand, your kids are the 2nd and Christ is the 3rd. If you aren't bringing Christ into every situation - breakfast, play time, nap time, even disciplining - then your chord will break very easily.
I would also encourage you to support your husband in his work. My husband had a job where he was gone all of the time and I wan't exactly quiet about my detest for it. I had mastered my relationships with my kids, but I was putting my husband on the back burner and our relationship was suffering for that. It reached a point where I considered leaving him for a while becuase I was blaming him for me being tired and burnt out. Bit it wasn't his fault...he was providing for us...I was the one who wasn't yeilding to God and what He wanted from me and it was my emotions that were controlling my relationship with my husband.
My advise (whether you're in that place with your husband right now that I was with mine 3 years ago or you're good and you want to avoid reaching that place of disrespect and distance) is to take a night once a month where it's just the 2 of you - to reconnect and pray with eachother over your struggles. It's amazing how much more fulfilling your day (and his) will be when you know you are right with eachother and with God!

[momsense]

I've been a Stay At Home Mom for a little over a year now, and altho I love it, some days I just get so stressed out and burned out! I have three kids, and sometimes I feel so outnumbered. I feel like I have no "me" time, and when I get the chance for "me" time, I'm usually so exhausted that I can't enjoy it. My husband works in retail, so he works crazy hours and usually long stretches. He also is active in the National Guard, and when he is away for his weekend it is really hard. Next month he goes for his two week annual training, and I'm DREADING that. Not only because I will miss him but because I look forward to him coming home at the end of the day so I can have some help and some adult conversation.

I'm just feeling majorly burned out. I know that right now my calling is to be a stay at home mom, and generally i'm pretty excited about that. Is the "burned out" feeling normal and what can I do to overcome that? any suggestions??

In response to that... all I can think is that I know exactly where you are coming from. My oldest daughter has 2 little girls (one 5 years old and one 7 months). She calls me at least once a week with the same issues. Let's face it...it's tough being a stay at home mom. It's sort of like the Army says though, "It's the toughest job you'll ever love!"
I have been a stay at home mom for over 30 years. I too experienced the exhaustion, the frustration, sometimes loneliness (because my husband is a work-a-holic), but you know what? I knew in my heart of hearts that what I was doing was the right thing to do for my family. I still know it, everyday I know it, all I have to do is listen to my kids and I know it. When my daughter calls for a pick-me-up because she is frustrated and exhausted, she calls because she knows I've been there and survived and wants to know how to make it work for her. Sometimes you just need a minute to regroup.
That's why you should listen to the advice that these ladies (these Christian Moms) are giving you. I agree with all of the posts prior to mine.
Prayer is the absolute best ammunition you have to squelch all the negative feelings you have to endure. Pray, pray, pray...it's what will get you through the day!
If you ever need someone to vent to just PM me and hopefully I'll be here for you. You are so fortunate to have found this place. I wish they had some place like this when I needed some adult interaction.
I know you have days that seem like your kids are never going to grow up, but, believe me, enjoy it while you can because before you know it they'll be borrowing your keys and they'll be out the door.
Sorry about the long post...I really just wanted to add that prayer is the most powerful asset you can utilize, anytime, anywhere. Even when you are pushing the vacuum around, standing over the hot stove or changing a dirty diaper!