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Thread: spanking question

  1. #1
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    spanking question

    I use spanking as a form of discipline with my daughter. I was spanked on my bare bottom by my mother growing up, and I have used this method with my daughter only once. Does/has anyone else pulled down the pants to spank the bare bottom? Thoughts?
    Thank you for your opinions.
    In His love,

    Brooke Davis
    Mommy to Arianna Michelle

  2. #2
    Registered User becky84's Avatar
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    I do spank my children, not on a bare bottom though. When I was growing up, we felt it just fine through the pants! I only spank my kids when they are being deliberately disobedient, like the "NO I WILL NOT!" type of thing, or if I have warned them "If you do that again, you're going to get your butt busted." They are only 2 and 4, so we haven't really dealt with lying yet, but that's another thing that we would get spanked for when I was a kid. It worked! As far as methods go, I will put the child over my knee and spank them about 3 times (with their pants on). I would think it would be incredibly embarrassing, especially as the child gets older, to pull their pants down and then spank them. But I wouldn't know, since my parents just left our pants on.

  3. #3
    Registered User maggi's Avatar
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    there are a number of threads here that you can check out about spanking, spanking in school... just go to the search and typ in spanking.

    i personaly do think that pulling pants down is not ok. we teach our kids that its not ok for others to touch them inappropriatly.... but its ok to pull down their pants and expose their private body parts? it must be humiliating, and is it about humiliation or about disciplin?
    often parents spank when there are very praktical other solutions.

    i would feel very violated if someone thought it ok to pull down my pants!

    dr. kevin leman has 2 books that are really great and practical and encouraging when it comes to parenting & discipline:
    -making your children mind without losing yours
    -have a new kid by friday

    its about reality parenting and reality discipline.

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    I have to agree with Maggi. My daughter isn't old enough yet for spanking as discipline, she is only 4-1/2 months old. But, when she is old enough and I do use spanking as a form a discipline, I want to try to make sure that I'm not doing it out of anger ( I know easier said than done) and I'm not saying that I think you spanked in anger. If you are pulling down pants you are trying to inflict pain??? I don't really know the motivation. I guess if you have to pull down pants to get a point across because spanking over clothes isn't making a difference, maybe spanking in general isn't working.

    I know spanking doesn't even faze my nephew but, take his favorite toy away and boy that gets his attention.

  5. #5
    Registered User Momofateen's Avatar
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    My children are grown and when they were young I spanked them. When they were young like around 1-3 yrs old I would spank their hands depending on the offense. But if they did something that was hazardous to them or complete disobedience they were spank on the bottom. When children grow they get wiser on what to do and what not to do. So in complete disobedience at times they would get spanked on their bottom with pants down to feel the spanking. Sometimes thick pants like courduroys or some denimns keep children from feeling the spanking. Spare the rod and spoil the child. I never had my kids tell me "No I not doing that" and today I'm not stressed out and my children turned out fine. My daughter has her BS in Marketing and my son is in barber school. They respect me and I respect them. I think also after 10 yrs old spanking or whoopings should stop. And punishment works fine. Oh the part about the bare bottom they should have on underwear. And don't we wipe babies bottoms when they are young? If you think you violate your kids by pulling down their bottoms then I guess you have never undressed or potty trained your kids. As a parent their are things that you see but not through perversity.

  6. #6
    Registered User maggi's Avatar
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    a girl once asked her fiance' why he loved her. he did not tell her she was beautifull, had a nice smile, her figure, her personality... he told her he loved her because he chose to. i think parenting is also a choice, and how we choose to parent and a lot of other things, has a lot to do with our own experiences growing up.
    growing up i got spanked from my parents and felt it just dandy through whatever typ of clothing i was wearing. at a young age i already decided how i wanted to parent, discipline and if i wanted to spank. i remember kids that got their pants pulled down for spanking telling me how humiliating and degrading it felt, which did make me very very thankfull that my pants did not get pulled down.
    i have changed plenty of diapers, and potty trained noumerous kids. wiping bums and caring for children is a totay different situation than a parent who has power and size over a child in a disciplining moment.
    i know that some are very in favor of spanking. for me not spanking does in no manner mean that i am a yes mom and i have no control over our kids. kids know if what is said is really expected of them or if mom is frustrated, or just talking to herself.
    we have 3 biological children, 3 fosterchildren, and i have cared for other children as well. i have babysat children that nobody wanted to babysit and moms would hope they would'nt be asked. they where the sweetest kids ever.
    i am probably sticking my foot in my mouth, but think that kids are easy to manage and discipline without spanking. i am a strickt mom and have a good relationship with our kids. we have teenagers as well as toddlers in our home, busy kids, quiet kids, very busy kids as well as very challenging kids.

    often the perception of a problem is the percetion of the problem. if you try to correct behaviour with spankning when they are jung, how do you establish a relationship to not need to spank after the age of 10, which then makes one wonder if spanking was really needed in the first place especialy when the toddler years are considered a practice run for the teen years in diciplining and comunication?

    discipline takes patience, skill, and a commitment to wanting to train and guide our children, just like gods love and guidance for us.

    i should probably bite my toung or stop typing, but does the bible mention pants pulling?

    no offence intended.

  7. #7
    Registered User maggi's Avatar
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    these books by dr. kevin leman do have a guide on spanking for those who do spank. i do love the books even if i don't spank.

    -making your children mind without losing yours
    -have a new kid by friday

  8. #8
    Registered User Momofateen's Avatar
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    Have you read the Bible? Because it states Proverbs 13:24-26 (New King James Version)
    24 He who spares his rod hates his son,
    But he who loves him disciplines him promptly.
    25 The righteous eats to the satisfying of his soul,
    But the stomach of the wicked shall be in want.

    We are always rebuke by God because it say God rebukes them whom He loves.
    I explained why pants got pulled down my reasoning is sound. My children are doing great things because of God!!!!!!!. I ask you, if your discipline is so great then surely you would have post your kids accomplishment in the beginning. We as Christian are discipline. When we break the law we are discipline. Some get fines some get prison depending on the defense. If I speed I would get a ticket. If I cause harm to some I would go to jail.

  9. #9
    Registered User maggi's Avatar
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    i'm sorry momofateen.
    i get the impresion that i have really offended you.
    yes i read my bible and understand that jesus never hit his desciples, but led, guided, and tought them.

    here a reference to Proverbs 13:24
    "the jews believed in discipline and when biblical writers used the word rod they where thinking of correcting and guiding rather than hitting and beating. for example, the shepherd used his rod not to beat his sheep but to guide them."
    anyone who grew up on a farm knows this to be true. i know this verse is often quoted but also know that many a child has been hit or abused by misuse of it in the name of christianity.

    i am very proud of our kids. our oldest are 14 and 13 so they are still in school. they have sound judgement and are a lot more responsible than others their age. they come to us with their thoughts, questions ....

    i truly believe that the respect and communication you lay in the early years is the ground work for the relationship you have when they are older. we as parents do not have a right for their respect but need to show them that we are worthy of it in respecting them and in how we treat them.

    discipline is no quick fix but a big investment, in time, patience....
    jesus has never bent down from heaven to hit me as a form of guiding and teaching me.

    i would truly be interested in how you made the transition from spanking to not spanking, really i would. i always wonder that for parents that spank, what they do when their kids are to big or old to spank but thats what discipline was.

    i have also seen grandparents cringe and change their mind about spanking when they see their grandchildren being spanked the same way.
    Last edited by maggi; 10-16-2009 at 09:15 PM.

  10. #10
    Registered User heathbar's Avatar
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    I'm not really going to weigh in on this conversation to much. Maggi has put it very well in my opinion. I don't believe in spanking in any way shape or form. I don't spank, I love my kids dearly, they are well behaved, well mannered children that get good grades, are very active and successful in sports, my 14 yr old is involved in youth ministry.

    I just want to say from experience that I was spanked as a child bare butt with a belt or paddle and I remember very well even today how humilating it was to lay across a bed or a chair, or my parents lap, or better yet to bend over and touch my ankles while they spanked me bare butt. Although our church gave instruction on how to properly administer a spanking. It's goal was to humble the child enough so that he/she wouldn't repeat the behavior. They actually taught that the child should go into the room and get the tool that would be used to administer the spanking and hand it to the parents. then the child was to go into the their own bedroom usually pull down their pants, lay across the bed, then holler in to the let mom or dad know they were ready for their punishment. The parents were to wait a few minutes as to cause the child embarrassment and humilation to humble them. So there I would lay across the bed bare butt waiting for my parents to come in and administer the rod of correction across my 6 yr old butt. During the spanking we couldn't cry or yell out or they would add smacks. I had to lay there quietly and take it, and I better not move or the buckle might nail me. After the spanking we were only permitted to cry for a few minutes since we chose the behavior we didn't really have the right to cry, then we had to read the bible verse about what we did wrong and then pray and ask for forgiveness. I remember once laying there waiting for my mom to come in after I told her I was ready and she said she would be right in with the belt and she forgot about me. I laid across my bed for quite some time bare butt and all I was probably 7 or 8.

    I know not all parents do this, but you can see why I don't believe in spanking. A smack to the butt with the hand through clothes isn't a horrible thing. But bare butt in my opinion and experience serves no purpose. Granted my experiences are extreme and I'm not saying anyone on here does this. But everything I said above is true and it was all done in the name of God and with the verse in Proverbs to justify it. The only thing I learned form getting spanked were two things one I learned how not to get caught and two if I did I learned how to dissociate myself during the spanking. So it didn't hurt as bad. I think it's very easy to cross the line during a spanking even when the parents don't mean to. The only thing I ever felt during a spanking was anger and resentment towards my parents.
    Heather

    And the day came when the risk it took to remain tight inside the bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom. ~Anais Nin~

    “Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind.” ~Dr Seuss~




  11. #11
    Registered User heathbar's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by maggi View Post
    a girl once asked her fiance' why he loved her. he did not tell her she was beautifull, had a nice smile, her figure, her personality... he told her he loved her because he chose to. i think parenting is also a choice, and how we choose to parent and a lot of other things, has a lot to do with our own experiences growing up.
    growing up i got spanked from my parents and felt it just dandy through whatever typ of clothing i was wearing. at a young age i already decided how i wanted to parent, discipline and if i wanted to spank. i remember kids that got their pants pulled down for spanking telling me how humiliating and degrading it felt, which did make me very very thankfull that my pants did not get pulled down.
    i have changed plenty of diapers, and potty trained noumerous kids. wiping bums and caring for children is a totay different situation than a parent who has power and size over a child in a disciplining moment.
    i know that some are very in favor of spanking. for me not spanking does in no manner mean that i am a yes mom and i have no control over our kids. kids know if what is said is really expected of them or if mom is frustrated, or just talking to herself.
    we have 3 biological children, 3 fosterchildren, and i have cared for other children as well. i have babysat children that nobody wanted to babysit and moms would hope they would'nt be asked. they where the sweetest kids ever.
    i am probably sticking my foot in my mouth, but think that kids are easy to manage and discipline without spanking. i am a strickt mom and have a good relationship with our kids. we have teenagers as well as toddlers in our home, busy kids, quiet kids, very busy kids as well as very challenging kids.

    often the perception of a problem is the percetion of the problem. if you try to correct behaviour with spankning when they are jung, how do you establish a relationship to not need to spank after the age of 10, which then makes one wonder if spanking was really needed in the first place especialy when the toddler years are considered a practice run for the teen years in diciplining and comunication?

    discipline takes patience, skill, and a commitment to wanting to train and guide our children, just like gods love and guidance for us.

    i should probably bite my toung or stop typing, but does the bible mention pants pulling?

    no offence intended.

    well said, I agree
    Heather

    And the day came when the risk it took to remain tight inside the bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom. ~Anais Nin~

    “Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind.” ~Dr Seuss~




  12. #12
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    Maggi,

    I forgot to say that I also have the book "How to Make Children Mind Without Losing Yours". And you are correct, I think that book is the single best book I have read on discipline. Extremely good, I encourage anyone to get it. And just so everyone knows, the author is a Christian man and father.

  13. #13
    Registered User becky84's Avatar
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    Good gracious, Heather, what a big go-around it was for you as a child, just to get a spanking! That is quite extreme; in my house we immediately administer the spanking right when the behavior has occurred, and then that's the end of it. The kids cry it out a bit, and then I hug them on my lap and tell them I love them, and that's the end. But I definitely understand why you would choose not to spank your kids, and it's good that you recognized that as extreme behavior on the part of your parents, and chose not to imitate it. I know for me, I tend to naturally gravitate towards what my parents did with me, and I have to catch myself every so often and ask whether or not my response was appropriate to the situation. I appreciate your input; I never considered reasons why someone would choose not to spank.

  14. #14
    Registered User Momofateen's Avatar
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    I thought this was very interesting so I posted this from RBC Ministeries. It makes you think.

    Originally Aired On: Wednesday, May 20, 2009
    FINDING WISDOM IN THE BOOK OF PROVERBS TO HELP YOU DURING THE DIFFICULT CHILD-REARING YEARS

    Listen Now | Download | Podcast


    OUTLINE

    Wednesday, May 20, 2009, Part 2

    "Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it" (Proverbs 22:6).

    IDEA: The vagueness of Proverbs 22:6 brings us some clarity about principles of rearing children.

    PURPOSE: To help listeners see that the proverbs give us a skill in handling life.

    Proverbs 22:6 is one of the best known in the collection: "Start children off on the way they should go, and even when they are old they will not turn from it."

    Why do you think readers are drawn to it?

    Do you think some people are drawn to it because they crave assurance and not wisdom?

    I. In the Hebrew text, this proverb, like some others in the collection, is a riddle.

    In the introduction to the proverbs (Proverbs 1:5-6) we are told that the study of this collection will help us understand the riddles of the wise.

    Riddles come to us from virtually every culture in the ancient world.

    One writer says, "The ancient world is riddled with riddles."

    Proverbs 22:6 is a riddle in the Hebrew text. It's "bring up a child in his way, and when he is old, he will not depart from it."

    What is vague and thus makes it a riddle is the statement "in his way."

    As we try to figure that statement out, we get insights or clarity about rearing our children.

    II. The statement "train up a child in his way" can be interpreted in at least three different ways:

    It can be interpreted to mean "let him alone, let him do what he wants, don't discipline him," and when the child is old, he won't change.

    You can bend a twig but you can't bend the oak.

    Parents who will not or cannot discipline their children often will come to see the bad results.

    Is this always true?

    It can also be interpreted to mean "bring up a child in his particular way."

    You can't mass-produce your children. Did you find with your children that they had different temperaments?

    So you have to suit your discipline to your child.

    It means that you have to know each of your children.

    How would you suit their discipline to each particular child in the family?

    It can be interpreted to mean "bring up a child in the way he should go."

    This means that you have to know the way yourself.

    It's dangerous for parents to decide what they want their children to be in a vocation, but it's an advantage to know what you want to develop in your child's character.

    It says that you are to give some thought to what influences you can bring into your child's life that will shape a child into what God wants the adult to be.
    PRAISE GOD!!!

  15. #15
    Registered User Momofateen's Avatar
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    Maggi you have not offended me. I think sometimes we have to slow down and read all the post. Because we sometimes get things mixed up. Grownup don't hit grownups unless they are fighting. I don't get your explanation of Jesus "hitting" disciples. Jesus rebukes (corrects) when speaking to the disciples which are grown men. But those were grown men. But for children, once again in my other post my statement, talks about age appropriation for spanking. Sorry I don't like to repeat statements.

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