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Thread: Group Dating For 12 Year Olds?

  1. #1
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    Unhappy Group Dating For 12 Year Olds?

    Hello Christian Moms,

    My 12 year old daughter goes to a Christian school. We feel that God has blessed us with such a fine institution.

    At this age, my daughter's class is beginning show interest in the opposite sex. I believe that this is natural. The school and the teachers have done a great job in terms of teaching the children that they need friends both boys and girls at this age. But they don't need a 'boy' friend and 'girl' friend.

    My daughter's best friend from her class is growing way too fast in my opinion. She is obsessed with boys. Her parents has given her a phone for several years. She texts boys at all times of the middle of the night.

    Recently, this 'best' friend invited my daughter to the movies. So I ask the obvious question,"who is going?". Well, we discovered that a group date was in the making with both boys and girls. The girl's parents were even going to be there. The group of girls and boys were going to be chaperoned by the girl's teenage sister.

    Even more surprising, the girl's mom called later. She said she knew that her daughter was planning the boy + girl event. She was OK with it and she was going to let her daughter "run" with it.

    Perhaps it is my conservative values. Perhaps it is because I only have one child and this family has multiple older children, but I just feel that this standard is a little 'loose' for my family.

    In the end, thank God that enough moms like myself said, "no!". The event never happened.

    I struggle with the situation. I am sure that it will come back again. Am I just old fashioned?

    Struggling Christian Mom.

  2. #2
    Registered User heathbar's Avatar
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    that's tough. I have a 12 yr old son and I wouldn't let him go out with a girl but he has the maturity of a 3 yr old sometimes. I would probably let him go with a group.

    Is this group strictly even amount of boy girl? My 15 yr old daughter still isn't into boys and stills thinks they are stupid. She has liked a couple but never showed an interest in hanging out with them. She has more guy friends than girlfriends. She is into sports and computers. When she was around 12 some of her friends were boy crazy and she eventually found a new group of friends to hang out with. I don't think your bein gold fashioned you but you should be cautious. I guess you have ot trust that what you have taught your daughter will come out if needed, also show her a really good kick to the groin should the boy try anything.

    I would probably let her go, but I would need ot know who was going, if all their parents were aware and exactly what times they would be gone. Yes even though my daughter is in high school I still call other parents she doesn't like it but alos understands that if she wants to go I need ot meet these people
    Heather

    And the day came when the risk it took to remain tight inside the bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom. ~Anais Nin~

    ďBe who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind.Ē ~Dr Seuss~




  3. #3
    Registered User maggi's Avatar
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    yikes!
    i would have said no as well if it was a group date, as in if the kids where to be paired off. if its friends hanging out together that is different to me.

    i always tell our kids that they can start dating when they are 23! so recently one of our teenagers came and asked if i was serious about the dating thing at 23, they felt it was a bit old. that was great! i don't expect them to wait that long but me joking about it always opens the door for great conversations. one we have had noumerous times is about the longer you wait the less junk you end up draging with you and if you wait longer you can be more sure its for the right reasons and not just because somebody wants to make out or just have you around as a boy/girl friend.

    i know that some moms think 12 years is old enough and even push them into it. but god made me mom of my kids for a reason and i want to do my part in protecting them and not put or shove them into certain situations that they are not capable of handling. just think back to when we where 12 or 16, how easily you can be manipulated or coerced into situations or to do things that you know better not to. at that age they don't have the maturity.

    a really, really really good book that i call a relationship bible and just a wonderfull book is " the truth about guys" by chad eastham. its writen by a guy. he does not beat around the bush. my daughter just finished this book and all her friends have called dibs on it and it's now being passed around. he is a christian, does not have a ton of bible verses to quote but is very to the point and is based on the bible, so you can even pass it on to somebody who wouldn't read a christian book. its not so much about the right age to start dating but about boys, dating, frienship, relationships.... the book is available at christianbook.com for $9.99.

    i think as moms we also need to be cautious and not let others talk us into things and we start thinking it's ok because everybody is going or attending, even if you might be consideredthe bad mommy on the block for a week. it's very important for moms to have a strong backbone.

    having said all that, this is my opinion and when i read my post later i might see that my wording is not as good as what i was trying to quickly typ. my fingers always have a hard time to follow my fast thinking!

  4. #4
    Registered User DiamondRing's Avatar
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    When I was 13 I went out to dinner at a restaurant with a boy and his parents and his 3 brothers. I was allowed to go b/c it was assumed the parents would be with us the whole time and I even recall the Dad of the boy saying that yes they would be with us the whole time. After dinner, the parents let us 'kids" split with them and go play video games with a time set to meet them later. In that time I was raped and lost and lost my virginity this way. I did not tell my parents for a long time, and when I finally did I was not believed, since I had waited so long to tell them. God has really worked deeply in my life to forgive, but I will not let my children date period and they just have to accept that. My husband did not have an awful experience but lost his virginity at 16 to his girlfriend, he deeply regretted this and he will not let our children be alone or date until they are 18 and in college, period. We teach her sex is for marriage and dating is to get to know your potential future husband so if your not ready to be married, then there is no reason to date. We also teach that id she would go against God's commands and fornicate, to repent right away and there is forgiveness at the Cross of Jesus and He always loves you and wants you to return to Him when you mess up, but you can never get back your virginity back that you could have given to your husband. We know realistically people make mistakes. My daughter respects this and so far is in agreement, I can only hope and pray my other children do as well. A lot of people say we are crazy and old-fashioned, but we don't care what they say. We are the parents not them and we like being old-fashioned.
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

    Romans 5:17-18 (New King James Version)

    17 For if by the one manís offense death reigned through the one, much more those who receive abundance of grace and of the gift of righteousness will reign in life through the One, Jesus Christ.)
    18 Therefore, as through one manís offense judgment came to all men, resulting in condemnation, even so through one Manís righteous act the free gift came to all men, resulting in justification of life.

  5. #5
    Registered User abc's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Southern GM View Post
    Hello Christian Moms,

    My 12 year old daughter goes to a Christian school. We feel that God has blessed us with such a fine institution.

    At this age, my daughter's class is beginning show interest in the opposite sex. I believe that this is natural. The school and the teachers have done a great job in terms of teaching the children that they need friends both boys and girls at this age. But they don't need a 'boy' friend and 'girl' friend.

    My daughter's best friend from her class is growing way too fast in my opinion. She is obsessed with boys. Her parents has given her a phone for several years. She texts boys at all times of the middle of the night.

    Recently, this 'best' friend invited my daughter to the movies. So I ask the obvious question,"who is going?". Well, we discovered that a group date was in the making with both boys and girls. The girl's parents were even going to be there. The group of girls and boys were going to be chaperoned by the girl's teenage sister.

    Even more surprising, the girl's mom called later. She said she knew that her daughter was planning the boy + girl event. She was OK with it and she was going to let her daughter "run" with it.

    Perhaps it is my conservative values. Perhaps it is because I only have one child and this family has multiple older children, but I just feel that this standard is a little 'loose' for my family.

    In the end, thank God that enough moms like myself said, "no!". The event never happened.

    I struggle with the situation. I am sure that it will come back again. Am I just old fashioned?

    Struggling Christian Mom.
    That is an old trick, I tell my daughter no no and no.
    abc

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