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Everything posted by funnygirl

  1. Just wanted to update this. The Lord finally opened the door. I held out for what I wanted and got it. I wanted hours where I could get my kids off to school and be available to pick them up at 3:30 and be with them. I got a job working from 10 - 2. They needed someone to cover the intake calls during lunch. It is also just down the street from my kids school & near home. The Lord also made me wait until they were legal age to be home alone. It was in the back of my mind, and that is what the Lord wanted all along. Now if they need to be home for a few hours or during the summer, I can at least rest assured that it is legal. As to work, I have risen to the challenge. My brain has kicked into gear after all these years, largely due to volunteer work I kept doing along the way. I have felt good about being out with people daily, having responsibilities beyone home and feeling much more self-esteem. I even have a new wardrobe out of the deal and bought us a new kitchen set out of the money I've earned. So, yes, eventually there was life after kids for me and it feels good.
  2. I'm sure you must be very upset. Ask your husband - does he want to "give up" or does he just want things "to change"? Is his wanting to "give up" because he has another agenda, ie. wants to be free to roam? Is he wanting to escape from a situation that is distressing him? and do you know what is distressing him? What exactly does "giving up" mean? Does he know the only Biblical allowances for divorce? or has he bought into the worlds definitions? If you can get some idea of what you are dealing with and his motives, then it gives you more to work with. May God take authority in this situation.
  3. We made up a game where the kids had to collect tokens and if they got a bamboozle one, they had to do go to "Jail" until someone else used a "free your friend" token to release him. For instance, we put tokens with pictures on them in icecubes. The kids had to pick one and see what was in it when it melted. They had to play a game with carrying cotton balls on a spoon and picking up a wrapped token at the other end. They had to dig for tokens in a cake and in a pot of goewy flour and water, lots of gross things, etc. Eventually we added up the tokens which were various points and the winners got prizes. We have an unfinished basement, so let them spray each other with silly string. It swept up pretty good. I found that some boys didn't like the structure of the having to play a game. It gets tougher the older they get to engage all friends at the same time. Last year when my son turned 10 we did indoor mini-golf. It was something he hadn't done for awhile. While we waited for everyone to arrive, they played hockey in our basement. They seemed to really like that.
  4. It is hard to adjust to the mom not working. It isn't as popular today. However, I feel it will pay your entire family bigger dividends that can't be measured with cash. Trust the Lord. Tell him how you feel. Then commit to carry out the assignment he has asked you to do = be a wife and mother. It is a struggle for most sahm's. It was for me. I eventually did home day care to help make ends meet. It provided playmates for my children and money that helped. After doing fulltime I got burned out. I found that part time or after school daycare helped me remain more balanced. If your husband wants to work 2 jobs I hope it isn't at the cost of the family. You being home can help provide him with emotional strength and help him in practical ways such as providing the home environment so that he is able to do his work. Don't feel guilty about not working for pay right now. You are working - as a mom. This season will be over eventually, and you will be free to work again for pay some day.
  5. Personally, I feel there are better ways to discipline a child that age. I think many people would agree with me ie. Dr. Dobson, Dr. Phil, Barbara Colorosa, and a host of other pshychologists. "whipping" is quite a choice of words to define "spanking". Perhaps you haven't discovered what the difference is between loving discipline and abuse. I knew nothing otherwise either as I saw members of my family whipped or wooped depending on how it was done. I was 16 when I had a lesson at school on what is abuse. That's when I learned that what I had been experiencing at home was not the "norm" and that it was abusive. I have a 10 year old and a 12 year old and I probably stopped spanking them around age 6 and instituted other methods of discipline.
  6. Baby sitting/daycare is good, but can burn a mom out. I really enjoyed a year of fulltime daycare as it provided friends for my own kids and forced me to come up with a curriculum. My own kids always enjoyed a curriculum better with other kids involved. To save I stopped going to the mall for entertainment. There is always something to tempt there. I would try to make do with what I had. I used craft paints to paint flowers on my kitchen chairs that I hated. It was both entertaining and like getting new furniture. I learned to say no to my children more. They can talk you into buying anything. As moms we rationalize that our kids are only little for so long and so we want the pleasure of indulging them. But it has a cost. When my kids were really little we had basic cable an no internet. We only ate out or bought pizza once a month. We used hand-me downs if we could get them from friends or relatives. The main thing is to keep a strict budget. Years later you'll thank yourself as you finally have more money.
  7. I found it did suppress my appetite a little. I've been told you have to have huge amounts for its true benefits. It does have some properties that move the metabolism like caffine does. So really it is just increasing your heart beat to lose the weight. It can't hurt if you have learned to enjoy its flavour. My Korean friends swear by it. Of course getting a good brand is important.
  8. Also give her a love object that has been between you and her at breast feeding time so she can receive comfort from the love object. Something made of silk or satin is good. A soother also works good in my opinion.
  9. Give her a bottle of warn water in the night for a few times, not the breast. She'll soon learn it isn't worth it. You will have to deal with a few crying episodes perhaps.
  10. You should have put your son an your mission as a priority and not helped these people. Look what ended up happening, your son got mad at you, you at him, the family became divided. It isn't appropriate to spank a 12 year old. It isn't appropriate to swat in an uncontrolled manner, it isn't appropriate to put other people ahead of family harmony, it isn't appropriate to spank any child in public. You should have left the scene if you din't want your child involved.
  11. Do you think it is being modelled by anyone in the family, ie. husband or yourself? Sometimes it is a coverup for insecurity. He needs to know he is loved even when he doesn't know it all. Sometimes he just needs to be told how it is perceived. My daughter is bright and a bit of a know it all. We have been so busy building her up and saying how smart she is for her self esteem that it is now over the top. I try to point out another person's perspective to her and also let her know when her words can seem hurtful.
  12. What are you all doing to live healither now that age is making it harder to keep slim? I read Dr. Phil's book and think I might be weight-loss resistant since I go to Curves, walk, ride an exercise bike at home and the weight has done nothing but continue to creep up. I am using most of the supplements he mentioned. His weekly diet doesn't allow for snacks for pleasure or desserts. I think to live in the real world, we all like to chomp the occasional peanut, or have an icecream once in awhile. It's tough. I don't binge and resist donuts brought into work, etc. All my control is good, but I'm still overweight. It's so unfaaaiiiirrr!
  13. I came here a few years ago too and it wasn't busy enough for me. I'm back now since I backed off another forum that I was spending too much time on. I wondered if a little input here would help fill my spare time which is less now that I have returned to part time work. I hope you find the interaction you desire.
  14. I don't think the answer is stay and go - but to have this pattern change. You can have his abuse stop if you set personal boundaries. When he seeks to control you by his demands, you can either rebuke his words or take them on yourself- which makes you a victim. To rebuke means: the act of testing or verifying; to stop a forward attack from progressing. In this way, you need to stop and think about what he is meaning in his communication and see if it is a truth God wants you hear? Is there any truth in it or is it an attack? Test his words. Stop abusive or controlling ones. Not by fighing about it, but by not accepting them. Throw them off. When you hear them don't take them in, but pray for God's intervention. I don't think the things you've listed are bad habits. I think it is normal behaviour and it is who you are and how you are wired. For him to slap you verbally for being you is for him to not accept who you are. A marriage is supposed to be a place where two people provide the best environment possibly for each other to grow and blossom. When God said it wasn't good for man to be alone, he meant he needed a wife to make the environment even better, not a battleground.
  15. I have teachers for friends and they say they don't live and die for gifts. Frequent words of appreciation and thanks are what boost them. Our school allows us to email. Perhaps having other moms email their thanks would go a long way, as would little notes or letters.
  16. Welcome Kale. You have quite a life being a single mom and all. Do you also work or are you home with your child? I would urge you to find a church in your area that has a ladies group you could join that offers child care and Bible study for yourself. It is so important to have a peer group at this time in your life with child and your new Christian life.
  17. My theory on PT is it is our responsibility to introduce the toilet to the child and to show him how to undress, use it, clean up...but it is up to nature to continue to mature him until he gets all the connections. I strongly believe that kids urinary, bm development and its connection to the brain come together when it is right for the child and I don't think a lot of forcing, manipulating, rewards, is effective. How would I feel if I got a sticker for producing a urine sample? It is pretty hard to control even for an adult. My son was taught both things sitting down. He sat down to go for quite awhile. I helped him to try it standing up too, teaching him to aim, but on his own he still sat. Then he saw one of his play dates run in and do it standing and from then on he has pretty well been standing. He did take long to train and wasn't fully trained until around 4. He has always had difficulty with bm's and until we made sure he had fruit and other fibre regularly, he would hold it even longer cause he didn't like it if it hurt. This made training difficult. I found he went easier after a warm bath and that was a good time to put him on. Doctors also suggest after a meal. Also - a big thing to think about. Coveralls may be cute to look at but very impractical for washrooming. My son also didn't like any pants that he had to button & zip. The best pants for this time are elastic top or velcro closure.
  18. Thanks for your reply. I have done many things as suggested over the years. I did fulltime home daycare when my kids were 2 & 10 mos. It was great at the time. I burnt out and did part time day care, it was great, then moved. I just recently finished doing afterschool care. All situations were as much for my kids as me and less about cash. I've led Bible studies and attended them, helped do props for church, set up our library, helped at my kids classes. I've been getting the feeling that I need to do something more "adult" now. So many of those things were love offerings - a real giving of myself for very little pay or thanks, but they fit in at the time. I worked with professionals before and considered myself one and guess somewhere deep down I am still quite a capable person. I'm just stalling at making the decision to branch out. I am thinking that God will open the door at the right time, but I guess I'm wondering if I should start doing more knocking. Thanks for your thoughts and prayers.
  19. Kids are both in school, youngest is 8, I'm wondering if it's time for me to find work. At my last church only 2 moms stayed home without working. I worked for 10 yrs. before kids and have been home 10. Now that my kids are in school should I go out to work? I always thought I would but don't feel compelled any more. Should there be a strong feeling about it? I think some of the feeling is that I'm older now and a little intimidated. How can I overcome this? Should I just make the plunge? My husband isn't pushing me but does make comments like, maybe you'll find work by Christmas. Some days I wish I had an outside job to give more dimension to my life. I know many of you say, "who cares about the world and what everyone else does." But the truth is that most people I know do work so there must be reasons. Is it God's plan? I don't want to vegetate, or stagnate, but I don't want to rush into something I'm not ready for. Will I ever be ready? I guess I'm at a crossroads.
  20. Do you like a central vacuum better than a regular one? I wonder if it all that powerful since the hose is so long. Yet, not having the cord and the canister to drag around would be nice. It also seems to me all the parts are sold separately and could cost a bundle.
  21. I am wondering who is the sponsor of this board? I'm trying to figure out who or what it is connected with? Who pays for it?
  22. I'm very discouraged about my body. Never had this weight problem until 38 after a thyroid treatment and 2 yrs after my last child. I eat healthy, get moderate exercise 3 or more times a week, with absolutely NO benefits. I used to teach aerobics when I was 29. I used to jog. I know how to exercise. I have poured out my heart to God over and over. I need your prayers.
  23. What do you do in the evenings or weekends? I find that I am in the house so much that I need to get out and am frustrated that husband likes to just veg at home on the weekends. Unfortunately his hobby is computer games which pretty well eliminates me. He heads to the computer a few minutes after dinner and is on it until bed time. He will be on it most of the weekend unless I specifically have something planned, and before and after he has done his one or two errands. I knew this would be a source of contention because he already had these habits before we were married. When he does turn it off to "be with me" we don't know what it is we should be doing. Lord knows I do too much housework already. Besides watching tv or chatting we aren't sure what to do. We can't leave the kids without a sitter yet, so can't go for walks alone. What do most couples do after supper and weekends? Do we get married and then take on each our own hobbies?
  24. Can't remember how it was done, but I know the co-ordinator certainly did not do all the baking or running. When new received a little gift bag with cookies. They were homebaked, but mini ones which would probably be a good idea to help with supplies. I think there was a rotation of baking and perhaps even a quantity was stored in the freezer. At another church we received a gift bag, marked "from the ABC family". They had gone to the trouble to find out a bit about us and had something for everyone in the bag ie. socks for my son, stuffy for my daughter, candles for me...not labelled, just put in together. This made a big impression on us. It could be that a home group was assigned or something of that nature. Still wondering who this ABC family is.
  25. I have always like writing and over the winter worked on a book. I felt God was leading me in this and worked on it with the attitude that it didn't need to be published to be enjoyable. Problem is, if it or my articles never get published and never see any financial gain, then is it a wise hobby to be spending time on? How will I ever know if I don't put the time in and try? When I work on my writings or book, I can be on the computer an entire day (with no promise of return). I try to have my housework done first, but often times something has to give or gets behind. My kids are in school so have appreciated a new interest. Often wonder though if I am mis-using my time or if it is what God really wants me to focus on.

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