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2tired

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About 2tired

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  1. OTHER...I wanted to go medication free but ended up with a c-section. GLAD I had medication for that!!!
  2. Yes, but since I had my son I am not nearly as interested in pets. I'm all about my son!
  3. Thank you so much for your prayers everyone. This past weekend was really a change, and I know it was from all of your prayers, thank you so much. He was nice and respectful to me all weekend (even though I can't even look him in the eye right now) and he has even been paying attention to the baby and offering to help me out. I know that I will still need to seek out support from church friends and study out the scriptures that you have all shared with me. I know that I need to get my heart right, I obviously have not forgiven him in my heart. I need to find some balance between forgiving and not putting myself out there so much as to get trampled again.
  4. Thank you so much everyone for your advice, prayers and encouragement. It really does help so much to be able to talk about it and get good solid spiritual advice. It is also good to hear from others that there is hope, that they have had similar situations that are now good. I do need to find people in my church to talk to get the "real life" help and accountability as well. I have been in support groups before but am always afraid to talk about these things, worried that it will somehow come back to me in a bad way so I never get the help that I really need. I know that I need to fear God above man, but it's so much easier said than done. I definitely am afraid (or at least very intimidated by) my husband. Especially when he's in a mood. It's almost like there is two of him, the nice loving him and the mean, arrogant him. He can switch between the two on a dime and it is very confusing.
  5. 2tired

    Game

    That's pretty true, my stepdaughter is back at school and living back with her mom so I am looking to get a routine going with my new baby. The person below me ... wants to get a new pet.
  6. I don't have any advice for you myself but there is a wonderful website for Christian women, it has a lot of great articles for women who are married to non-believers. I used to read this website and the articles a lot, but I have forgotten about it for the last year or so. Reading your post made me think of it and I am going to go back and read through some of these articles. If you go to the site, scroll down a little and you will find many articles. http://www.momof9splace.com/
  7. 2tired

    Fasting

    I'm new to the forum so I'm jumping in late to this topic (and I also didn't read ALL the posts, sorry!) I just wanted to share a little bit about my experiences with fasting. From my studies on fasting there are many different ways to fast and many different reasons. I have fasted for many reasons, from different things, for differing amounts of time. Sometimes my church holds all-church fasts and each person decides for themselves what they will fast from -- knowing that there are people out there who cannot do a full-on no food, no water fast. I am one of those people because I used to have an eating disorder and if I don't eat anything that quickly sets my body and mind back to those old habits. There have been times that I have fasted from sweets, chocolate, cheese, pop, etc. I have heard of people doing a "world fast" where for a certain amount of time they avoid "worldly" things such as tv, movies, news papers, magazines, etc. and focus on God by reading and prayer in the time they would have watched tv and read other stuff. I fasted from a certain item for three and a half years because I wanted a baby. Before getting married my husband agreed to have two kids with me, but then after we got married he said that he didn't want any more kids (he has a child already). No matter how much I tried to talk him into it he wouldn't budge, he had made up his mind. So I decided to fast for a baby and that I would fast from this certain item until I had a baby. Now, three and a half years later I have my little bundle of joy...and I couldn't be happier! God has truly blessed me! I am glad for this topic because I realize that I need to fast for my husband and/or my marriage. I don't know what kind of a fast or for how long, but I do in some way need to fast for this. Serious changes are needed and only God alone can bring about those changes. Fasting not only shows God that I am willing to trust him, but it is also a reminder to me to trust God and to pray about what I am fasting for. If I was to fast from chocolate, then every time that I wanted chocolate I would be reminded to pray for my husband/marriage. It serves to remind me to be spiritually minded rather than trying to handle things on my own and being worldly minded.
  8. Sunny, thank you for your words of wisdom. Exactly what I needed to hear, I need to really spend some time reflecting on what you have said and on the scriptures that you shared. Thank you also for ther prayers. Jessica, thank you for letting me know. I will look up your posts and will probably take you up on your offer to PM. I need all the help I can get.
  9. Thanks for your reply Sunny. My husband and I met at church almost ten years ago, we have been married for almost seven years. When we were dating, it seemed like we had so much in common at least as far as our goals and dreams. Our lives were totally different, he being a divorced dad and me a college student. We both talked of our dreams of having a family and we were both very family oriented. He was very romantic, sweet, kind, thoughtful, etc. He would bring me flowers all the time, write me poetry, read me psalms, etc. Then when we married everything changed and after we were married I realized a few SMALL red flags that I wished I had taken more seriously. But at that point it was definitely too late. I tried very hard in many ways to bring change to our marriage. I tried talking with leaders at church to get marriage help and counsel, but he would get so mad at me for bringing others in. He didn't like me telling people how he was treating me. I tried being more submissive but that didn't help. I tried reading books, I tried getting him to read books. I constantly read the stories of Abigail, Joseph and others in the Bible who have had their share of "unfair" circumstances and tried to learn from them and apply it to my life. I have tried following 1 Cor 13, the various passages on marriage and submission.
  10. ~~~~~~~~ Aug '06 DH has been very rude for the last week. I had a break for a couple days but now he's back to it again. He complains about how I'm not keeping the house clean enough (Less than a week from my due date). Even though he knows how bad my back is hurting and that I am doing what I can. I'm NOT sitting around on my butt, I do what I can for as long as I can. He complains about everything, he argues everything that I say. If I were to say the sky is blue he would argue that just to argue with me. Ever since I have been pregnant there has been practically no snuggling, cuddling, dating, nothing romantic whatsoever. When he wants to DTD he just comes out and say that he has needs that need to be met. I am so frustrated with this, I am not a piece of meat. I am his wife, I am carrying his baby. A couple nights ago he comes into bed (AFTER I am asleep mind you) and wakes me up wanting me to meet his needs. I basically ignored him. Well tonight he says he has needs and they really need to be met. I tell him that it's hard for me because we never snuggle or cuddle anymore and THAT's what puts me in the mood. He says, "You're never in the mood (while PG) anyway." I told him that I'm not because we don't snuggle or cuddle. Then he just gets all mad and says, "Fine we won't DTD. I don't care! You know what else, YOU could try initiating once in a while!" I had explain why I'm never in the mood (no snuggling, cuddling) and he just stormed off. Does he not get the fact that I am days away from my due date? Does he not understand ANYTHING? Why does he keep pulling garbage with me? I don't need this right now!! He has been doing this for over a week with just one or two days giving me a break. I tried to talk to him after he came out of hiding. He started yelling and swearing at me and telling me how what I needed had nothing to do with anything. He said that all I needed to do was to meet his needs but since I won't do that he said he's just going to go and find other ways to get his needs met, he doesn't care if we ever DTD again. The more I cried the louder he yelled and the more he was swearing. Then he even went and said he doesn't even want this baby! I can't believe that he would say that to me. He said that I have ruined his life and his life is completely over now. He says why on earth would he want a baby, he's almost 40 and has a teenager already. (Before we got married he told me that he would have two with me. Last weekend he screamed at me that I better be happy with this one because I'm never getting another one.) He said so many mean and rotten things, I can't even remember most of them. I'm still crying my eyes out...but I have to silently because he keeps yelling and swearing every time he hears me cry. What have I done? How did I get myself into this? Before we got married he was all for having kids with me. Before I got pregnant he wanted to have a baby. Now he tells me...days before I am due... that he DOESN'T want our baby?! What am I supposed to do with that? ~~~~~~~~ Aug '06 Yes, it gets even worse. He's selfish, insecure and pathetic. I am recovering from a surgery right (c-section). Well the first full day that I was home with the baby he went to work, when he got home the first words out of his mouth were, "You're STILL in your robe?!" Then he gave me the silent treatment all night...thank GOD for that break in his foul treatment! When I was in the hospital after the c-section and the baby was in the NICU he told me that we should have never gotten married and that he would have been better off with someone who didn't want kids and I would have been better off with someone who could deal with all my "neediness". Then yesterday we went to an appointment to check up on the baby and myself. The RN gave him all this information about how he needs to make sure that I am taking it easy in order to recover and what signs to watch for post partom depression and she even said that I am extra likely to get it being that my baby was in the NICU. Well we no sooner get to the car and he tells me that HE has post partom depression. Before that he got mad at me for wanting to take the elevator instead of the stairs UP to the car, I told him that going up the stairs would hurt my incision. He said that if I don't get exercise I will get a scar! He is far more concerned about my scars and stretch marks than how I am doing, he has been like this since I got pregnant. He only has negative things to say about my body and keeps saying how he really hopes my body goes back to the way that it was.
  11. Hello, I am new to this board. Someone from an inactive Christian Stepmoms board gave me the link to this board thinking that I could find some help for my situation. I am frustrated, sad, beaten down and don't know what to do. My heart is broken and I feel like an empty shell in regards to my marriage. I am a new mom, my baby is less than a month old and I am thrilled with the baby -- but this is not a happy time b/c of my DH. I have been trying for years to follow the Bible and be a good Christian wife, I feel like I can't keep going like this. I think the best way to summarize my situation is to copy and paste some posts I have made over the years on other forums. There's actually a lot more to my story than this, but this gives a good idea of what I have been going through: Oct '04 I am in a verbally abusive relationship. Here's an example of some stuff that was going on during the summer: But it doesn't take anything at all to set him off--even though most of the time I know what to avoid doing or saying to set him off. I try to be very kind even when he is yelling at me, but it doesn't make a lick of a difference. I'm not joking at all--he will yell at me for 1-2 hours straight (and I can sit there and not even respond while he goes on like that, except that I will apologize for any wrongs that I have committed in his eyes) then he will turn around after yelling at me for so long and then he will yell at me because he just wasted 2 hours of his life "arguing" with me! He has told me many times to quit talking to people about our marriage. I hadn't talked with anyone in a year and a half and I thought that it would be safe finally because we are in a (church) group that he likes and trusts. We talked about an issue that is very serious to me with a couple at church. They were very kind and understanding, didn't say anything negative about him at all, in fact they mostly challenged me to change. Then when we got home he yelled at me for over an hour about how I was never to do that to him again and he yelled at me about every thing that anyone in the church has ever done to hurt him. He even kicked the chair that I was sitting in while he was yelling at me. Also, I have been sick with a basic cold for 3 weeks now which has turned into a sinus infection. He will not let me get well. Let me explain, if I could just rest for 2 days completely away from him I know that I could finally get better. He doesn't care if I'm sick or not, if he's mad he will yell and curse me till the cows come home. Even if I tell him that I am not up to doing something he makes me go with him anyway. I should have been over this more than 2 weeks ago. On the particular day where I felt almost better, but just not quite 100% he came to bed and woke me up around 11:00pm and started yelling at me for some small infraction I had committed earlier in the evening. He yelled for a good hour, no amount of apologizing or crying would help. I guess he felt better after getting it all of his chest and he was snoring in no time. I was so upset that I couldn't fall asleep until after 1:00...and I had to get up early. Well, instead of getting better I started getting worse until the weekend where I stayed in bed the whole weekend. I was feeling mostly better so I went to church on Sunday, when we were out and I asked if we could go to the store to get something to help me feel better. He parked at the very far end of the lot and I asked him very nicely if we could park closer. He yelled at me for 30 min. in the parking lot about how I was being critical of him and he has his reasons why he parks where he does...people who park close to stores are all idiots and he doesn't want to deal with them door dinging or crashing into his car and so forth. Then he drove us home and told me that if I wanted the **** products that I could just drive myself to the **** store to get them myself. He yelled at me even worse when I started crying. Needless to say that did not help me to get better. So the next time that I was finally starting to feel on the upswing, he wanted me to go to a huge wearhouse store with him. I told him that I was not up for it but he kept insisting and I went so that I could avoid a fight. Well, after walking around that store for 2 hours I was completely feeling lousy again. At this point I've missed work (and I don't have paid leave) and I've been resting and violently sick. Okay so this morning I was feeling about 75% normal and he totally freaked on me because I turned off the dishwasher yesterday because I wanted a shower. I had been sick on the couch all day and the weather has been unusually hot so I was very sweaty. I forgot to turn the dishwasher back on because I was sick as a dog and on some medication that made me dizzy and groggy when I did it. I've totally put him out over this and he yelled at me and called me all kinds of names over how totally inconsiderate I was. Oh, but he did apologize later.... ~~~~~~~~~~~~ Oct '04 Last night was terrible...which I guess I shouldn't be surprised. If he has a fit and I stand up for myself in any way things only get worse for me. Dh and I have very different political views and because he is so insistant that his beliefs are right I just listen to him but don't share my opinion because I know that he will get mad if I don't have the same opinions as him. Well I mailed in my absentee ballot yesterday and last night he asked who I voted for. I told him and he became irate. He would not shut up for an entire hour about how stupid the man is that I voted for and that he could not believe that I would vote for him. He wasn't yelling at this point, just being extremely annoying and upsetting. I wanted to watch my show but he would not be quiet! By the end of the hour I was crying and he was all "oh, now you're mad at me. that's great!" Then he asked me to go put away the stew that I had made (by scratch--for him) away before going to bed. I was unable to get the tupperware container closed because I was crying and shaking. I got mad and tried to slam the lid on it, which I knew wouldn't work but I didn't expect the stew to go flying all over the kitchen. It went up sleeve, on the cupboard doors, the floor, the appliances, all over me, on the wall... He came in as I was cleaning it and he got so mad that we had to clean the whole kitchen (including behind the stove, including vacuuming) even though it was almost midnight at this point and I wanted to be in bed by 11. So we go to bed and he was laying there quietly and I should have just let him be, but I had to ask him why he went off on my about how I voted. This time he was yelling at me about how stupid the political party that I support is and basically how stupid I am for voting for the guy that I did. He said he was mad at me for not telling him how I was going to vote before I voted because then he could have changed my mind! Basically my one vote is going to turn our country into a communist country and is going to make him lose his job to all the losers in Malaysia (not my words) who will do his job for pennies an hour. He basically made me say that I was wrong for who I voted for. I told him that there are many VERY HAPPILY married couples who have different political views and that they respect each other's differences. He told me that my views are just plain wrong and that is why he cannot respect them. He said that this really makes him think that he can't trust me and that I lied to him and purposefully tried to mislead him--because before the primaries I was on the side of the guy that I didn't vote for. But after watching all the debates and life stories of the p & vp candidates I changed my mind. Anyway, I can't even remember everything that he said. It's becoming one big blur. Finally about 2am he finally let me go to sleep. (The whole ordeal lasted 4 hours...all because I voted for candidate X and didn't tell dh beforehand.) Then this morning I went into the bathroom to do my personal business and he yells at me, "I'm leaving now! I don't know if you want to say goodbye to me or not!" I came out and said (starting to cry b/c last night was still so fresh) "I was going to take a pee!!" He says, "I'm sorry that I'm such an ****!" but he always says it in such a way that I'm supposed to feel guilty and say he's not or that it's my fault or something. I can't even describe it. He tells me a lot that he's tired of feeling like an ****. You don't know how bad I want to yell at him, "Then stop being one!" Someone asked if I've ever stood up to him. Yes and it just makes things much, much worse. I used to stand up when we were first married all the time, that's when these 4 hour "fights" were daily events on the weekends. I've just found that when he gets like this, the best thing for me to do is to just take it and let him get it out of his system because it doesn't get as bad when I do that and it doesn't last as as long. (A half hour compared to four hours.)

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