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luvvymommy

Have others spanked their children's bare bottoms?

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Heya

We all know that spanking is a hotly debated subject and i dont intend to shed another debate on whether it is permissible as a good method of punishment because I firmly believe that IT IS!!!

Just 2 nights ago at a frinds house, with around 9 others mothers there, spanking came up and when some described taking down their kids pants to spank, 1 mother said that it was sexual abuse!

I prefer to actually be able to see the child's bottom when you are spanking it ie to be able to see when the butt has gone pink = enough spanking (if I spanked over lothes, sometimes I might go overboard!)

I dont think the other mommys there agreed with it being abuse, though what they described as spanking was a few swats on the clothes with paddle, spoon, brush or hand.

When I was little I was spanked with 'implements' on my seat (clothed) and I hated it.

I didnt want to spank with an implement, but wanted the spankings to be equally firm, so I decided to use my hand on my childrens bare bottom.

With dd or ds, I warn them and if the warning is not taken on board, then i explain why I am about to spank them, take down their underwear, prop them over my knee and then its 5 spanks to their bums with my 'bare hand.'

Is spanking on the bare OK if done in private?

Have others spanked on the bare bottom and how many swats?

thanks

please reply

lizzy

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Spanking is a very debated subject. We only spank at my house if it is really necessary and then it will be one swat on the bare bottem. I have never spanked my children with anything besides our hand. That is enough. They know if they are going to be spanked they did something pretty bad

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In my house, spanking is definately used as a punishment for misbehaviour. I feel that too many moms are trying to be more like their kids 'friends' than like their 'parent'!

And whats this rubbish about spanking being abuse? Abuse is when you horrifically 'beat' a child for no reason (which some poor kids really go through) but spanking is a few swats to a childs bottom to teach them when they keep misbehaving.

All kids are given to us with a soft, round butt for a reason!

As for the question asked by this discussion as to the 'bare butt' appraoch I would say I would leave that to perhaps more serious incidents to really get the message through to the child. The parent of a child should decide how the child is to be punished as they know what is best for the child.

Love

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I prefer the switch and it is quite effective. A few swats with a switch is easy on the hand and safe for the child. The expert on this is Mike and Debi Pearl they have a site called Nogreaterjoy.com and they have written some great articles on child training. Dottie

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Lizzy, my son is not yet old enough to behave in a way warranting spankings but I wanted to say that I think you've made a good point in that when you spank on the bare bottom you can see when the skin turns pink. Spanking on the bare bottom is definitely not sexual abuse although I think you'd want to discontinue pulling down the pants once a child gets old enough to feel modest about their nakedness... you certainly don't want to humiliate them in the course of disciplining them.

 

Laurie

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Punish however you deem necessary.

 

Liz my child knows that when she misbehaves she will get a spanking if the offence is severe.

If you tell your kids in advance that if they constantly dont behave they will get a 'bare butt spanking' (as you seem to have done), then if they misbehave they KNOW the punishment they will get. Theyre practically giving themselves the inevitable spanking if they then do misbehave.

I havent spanked on the bare though, but if you think you should, then discipline the chid lovingly the way you feel is best, whether that be time out, explaining to or spanking.

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I used to spank on the bare bottom when they were in diapers because there was way too much padding. I don't anymore because it takes more time. I do use a spoon sometimes as a hand on o rivot from jeans can hurt me more than them.... literally.

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love and logic

 

I haven't posted here before, so please forgive me if I haven't gotten the feel of the board. I want to share my own experience with spanking.

 

My husband and I are foster/adoptive parents so we are not allowed by the state to use any form of corporal punishments (including spanking), yelling, name calling, predicting ("you'll never amount to anything"), or any form of humiliation (including stripping a child). With all the traditional means of discipline forbidden we've had to get creative. I read most of the books on the recommended reading list and found two I felt were essential. The first is "Love and Logic," the second, "How to Listen So Your Kids Will Talk, and Talk So Your Kids Will Listen."

 

"Love and Logic" is a style of parenting that teaches your child how to think. It also teaches the parent. What I've learned is that when I'm feeling overwhelmed it means I've taken on too much and need to make some of my problems my child's problems. I've learned how to tell when *I* need to take a time out. I've learned how to make sure my own needs, as a human being, are met. These are things that *I* could never learn through spanking. What this does for our child is teach her that Mommy and Daddy are people, too, who need to be taken care of. And it teaches our child responsibility.

 

When people spank they'll often say, "This hurts me, more than it hurts you." Love and Logic doesn't hurt the child or the parent. This is the best thing. I don't feel guilty disciplining and my child doesn't feel resentful. Everything that happens in her world happens as a result of decisions she makes. This is as it is in real life so the discipline she gets today prepares her for life in the world with friends, coworkers, teachers, bosses, and other authority figures.

 

The rod spoken of in the Bible was also a unit of measure. I prefer to think of its use as a way of teaching boundaries – how far my child can go. One of the first things I want her to know is that no one is to take down her pants, to expose her. I want her to know the boundaries of her own body so that no one can exploit or abuse her. If I, the adult authority in her life, violate those boundaries, I feel that I'm setting her up to be taken advantage of by other adults, now, or later in her life.

 

Our first child, Darla, was eight when she moved in with us. She'd lived with a Christian family previously that did spank her, and she was removed from them for that reason. She was classified as a special needs child. Darla has been with us now for six months and everyone who meets her is delighted with her and comments on how well-behaved and polite she is. They tell us we are lucky to have gotten such a well-adjusted child. It's been a lot of work, required a lot of patience, and we've got a long way to go, but Darla is happy now, and secure and our family is happy.

 

If you haven't considered other means of discipline, please pick up a book on love and logic. Even if you blend the methods in with spanking I think you'll find you'll need to spank less often.

 

Teresa

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Bare butt here

 

My son is 8 and if he needs a spanking, he gets it on his bare butt. We believe that modesty is all well and good at the proper times but that children in their own home with their own immediate family is not a proper time. A bare butt spanking stings more and you know whether you're spanking too hard. As for the embarrassment, that just makes it a better deterrent.

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Spanking your childrens bottoms.....

 

Hi there,everyone,I am new here,so please forgive any mistakes etc!!! I have one little girl,aged 6,and as regards spanking,I always felt so very giulty about spanking her bare bottom! Now,lets get this straight( and I speak from,sadly personal experience here)spanking IS NOT sexual abuse,never has been nor will it be. I prefer NOT to do it,as it hurts me soooooo badly. The old saying "this will hurt me more than it'll hurt you" is so very true,folks. But.if she needs a spank,she'll jolly well get one!! I spank about 4/5 times,bare behind,and that's it done. then I usually go have a wee cry somewhere,and ask The Lord to forgive me for doing it!!! I think you are perfectly reasonable,so don't feel bad,ok? Thanks for reading my post everyone,W0ozymummy,xXx

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I rarely spank. I find that he just doesn't need it. I have swatted his bottom on occasion when he just wasn't listening. I would if I "had" to but, I try to find alternitives to spanking.

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Feeling bad

 

I do feel sad when I spank my son, knowing that I have to make his butt hurt to fulfill my job as a parent. But while I may feel sad, I can't say I've ever felt the slightest bit guilty about it. I know it's the right thing to do.

 

Hi there,everyone,I am new here,so please forgive any mistakes etc!!! I have one little girl,aged 6,and as regards spanking,I always felt so very giulty about spanking her bare bottom! Now,lets get this straight( and I speak from,sadly personal experience here)spanking IS NOT sexual abuse,never has been nor will it be. I prefer NOT to do it,as it hurts me soooooo badly. The old saying "this will hurt me more than it'll hurt you" is so very true,folks. But.if she needs a spank,she'll jolly well get one!! I spank about 4/5 times,bare behind,and that's it done. then I usually go have a wee cry somewhere,and ask The Lord to forgive me for doing it!!! I think you are perfectly reasonable,so don't feel bad,ok? Thanks for reading my post everyone,W0ozymummy,xXx

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Used in our home

 

Hey liz, I thank that bare butt is fine as long as it is done in a loving home. Both my husband Bruce and I spank our boys ages 4 and 7 bare hinny. After all a spanking should hurt, and like another mom said, humiliation is an effective deterrent. We practice modesty at all times and expect our boys to as well, but spanking is not a time to be modest ! Wendy

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Mel

 

In my house ive always tried to use spanking as a last resort for extreme disobediance and for me , I personally see results.

My children are not terrified of me, but they know they will have a warm bottom if they constantly dont go to bed, dont clean up toys, be rude etc...

I try to reserve the bare bottom spanking as something for really bad or repeated bad behaviour. Usually in my house with my 3, spanking consists of going over my knee and getting an equal number of pops as your years on your seat. Nothing more or nothing less. Bare bottom spanking is good unless you are obviousely spanking to hard or too long. :D

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We have 3 kids who are now 23, 16 and 7, and have spanked them all-when they needed it. My grown son told me a few weeks ago "thank you Mom, if you and Dad hadn't disciplined me the way that you did-I shudder to think where I would be today". You see, he has his own son now and recognizes that we spanked him because we loved him-not because we wanted to hurt him. It was to correct his bad behaviors-and it seems to have worked with our kids. I see my SIL with her 3 small children-who aren't spanked, and their house is totally chaotic, there is no spanking and the "time out" method is in all honesty-accomplishing nothing. I have never seen a house so out of control and run by the kids. I do pray for her and the kids and her hubby.

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Plus * i forgot to add above, spanking a childs bare butt is OK but dont go overboard and then stand them in the corner with their pants down etc. Explain the punishement and spank in PRIVATE!

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Consistent with the natural order of things to spank on the bare...

 

I grew up in a household where bare bottom spanking was the norm in terms of serious consequences for misbehavior. I was always spanked privately across the parental lap; exclusively my mother's lap from the age of 12 until my last spanking at 15. Mom had a fixed procedure that she followed whenever she thought my bottom needed warming. I had to be dressed in the same blouse and skirt, and she would sit on the side of my bed and take down my panties. And after I was settled across her lap, she'd pull up the back of my skirt with almost as much ceremony as the curtain being raised on a theatrical production. But that's practically what her spankings were. She never failed to bring me to tears with her palm and her hairbrush, but the baring of my bottom was the critical element in making me aware that I wasn't the boss of anyone.

 

I know there are people who work themselves into a froth and a frenzy over spanking on the bare. To me, they're saying that if they were to visit a certain restaurant and be served only a glass of water and a roll, they'd have no cause for complaint. Because if they're going to presume to ask for a 'proper' meal, they also have to acknowledge what constitutes a 'proper' spanking. You're either smacking your child's bottom or you're not. And if you're not (by which I mean if you haven't bared the buttocks), you can't help but send your son or daughter a mixed message; a kinder, gentler smacking that sort of expresses parental disapproval. So, it sort of makes an impression on the recipient, and they'll sort of try harder to behave themselves. Spanking a bare bottom across your knee is as eloquent as a Shakespearean soliloquy by comparison.

 

I spank privately on a couch in my husband's den. I also spank exclusively on the bare, and the active punishing ends when the spanking does. The sore and sorry child is put to bed (an advantage of spanking in the evening) with a big kiss and an even bigger hug. And what it boils down to is that a lesson needed teaching, I taught it, and we move on. :)

 

 

Love,

 

Meredith

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This is a very controversial subject. I just wanted to share an online book I recently read that disucsses this topic. The book is called In Defense of Spanking. The author says that spanking bare bottom would be too embarrassing and suggests that parents let their child leave thier underwear on. This has actually made me rethink how I do things.

 

Good luck!

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Hi to all, my name is Becky- and what a good question, Is spanking o.k. Here is what I tell everyone. I am in my mid 30's and when I was a kid children knew how to behave-if they did not they would get a spanking-I had to pull my own pants down to get spanked as a child. Back then we did not hear about all the problems we do now. And the majority of others my age that knew disaplin are leading healthy, normal lives. However, later the idea that spanking was wrong or abousive was born and it has been my experience and from what I see the alot of kids that were brought up with the only time out policy or the "we cant tell them no because it will make them feel bad" and lets talk this out attitude are the ones now days that are out of controll. Don't get me wrong-I do not spank my kids all that often but when they do something dangerous to themselves or others or they just will not get the picture then they get a good swat on the butt. My older two kids are 11 and 10 and they are well behaved, well adjusted kids who know we love them and I believe that is because they were given the right disaplin. I would love feedback from anyone who is interested-I wonder sometimes if I am the only one who sees the things I described.

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I use a combination of punishments and positive reinforcements. I do spank but only when Shawn is being very bad. I have found that taking priviliges away works more often then a spanking does though. I think that for each child it is different. I do not see spanking as sexual abuse at all.

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Think about it in this way.

 

Well moms, take it from me, normally I spank with an open hand on clothes but here and there, I do give a bare bottom spanking. So therefore I know the effectiveness of both types of spanking and I have to say, to be honest, bare bottom spankings give better results. I remember speaking to my dd1 (5years) about it and in her own words she said:

"I dont like the spankings when you pull my pants down because then my butt is showing!" :eek:

I mean, yeah, lets be honest, spanking on the bare behind obviousely adds a little embarrasement to the whole thing , but then again, its only the mom or dad who is actually seeing the childs bottom (spanking should always be done in private), so its okay. When i spank them, i am punishing them, so ofcourse they are not supposed to "like it", otherwise that defeats the purpose of punishing them.

Spanking in this manner is not exactly 'wide scale humiliation' when it is done in the privacy of one room with one parent.

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Of course they don't like their butts showing, that goes without saying. Embarrassment is part of the consequence of their behavior though.

 

I don't agree that spanking has to be absolutely in private, sometimes my cousins will see my son get a spanking or vice versa, for instance. Of course, there are very good reasons you wouldn't want to spank in a public place or around people you don't know well and trust.

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No I never considered spanking my kids bare butts, I hardly ever spank my 4 and 5 year old and they are very well behaved kids. Often people comment on how good they are when we go places. I make them stand in the corner for a minute per age. I also explain what they done wrong and why they had to stand their. I also have taken things like if they don't clean up toys for example then they don't play with toys for a whole day This is tuff for them but it works then if they don't clean and it is still a problem then toy is put up until they do something good I bring it down for a reward. Now if it is a major thing that could danger their life or something like running in the street or trying to take candy at a store then they get one or two swats on the butt. Not that they steal on a daily basis but when they first learned about two or so. If it is a problam that presisits and none of the above work well then they know I will get a paddle and swat them once not hard. This is done rarely maybe once a year. This works for us and I would never bare their bottoms because I don't feel right pulling thier pants down. Just another opinion but what ever works stick to it I suppose. I never had a boy so I am sure they could be challanging.

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