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Rosie

What do I do about my 6 year old kissing her friend?

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My daughter has a friend - that everytime they spend anytime together - something mischievious happens. Today it was kissing under the porch. I know they say this is normal - but I really don't like it at all and don't want her to EVER do it again. My 9 year old daughter was informed by her that the middle finger meant you love Jesus. How do I get my message across without driving her away from me and without possibly having the opposite effect. Unfortunately their family and ours have bonds that just can't and won't be broken. So I can ground her from playing for a while, but their are always celebration going on between our side and theirs that they will be together often. They go to the same private school, which I work at. I am with both of them all day. Her childhood was really sad. No abuse or anything, just lots of Mommy Daddy problems. She is 2 years older than my daughter, so my daughter looks up to her in a way. Does anyone have any ideas or websites or books that they can suggest. I am very interested in biblical solutions, but yet I do not oppose reading a secular view on it. Thank you all for your time!

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I had this problem with my daughter and her friends, we had to sit my daughter down and have a talk with her to let her know how we felt. We couldn't totally stop it, but luckily for us we were able to stop it. We are on very good terms with our neighbors and they felt the same way we did. I don't think grounding would be good, because they might not understand that. I would definatly explain that the middle finger does notmean that you love Jesus. I think by just be open and talking and explaing things is always good. I mean what are you going to do when they are teenagers?

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Can you get the other girl's parents involved? If they feel the same as you they would have more control over their daughter, and I honestly would want to know if my kids were misbehaving outside my presence. Some parents do just get offended either because they don't think their child can do wrong or they don't feel the offense is so bad, but since you know them already, maybe you kind of know what they are like.

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My son and an older friend were playing doctor about 18 months ago and I didn't punish him, nor tell his friend's parents, but I did have a long talk with him about why that wasn't appropriate. I also said that if he ever got caught doing anything with a younger child that I would have to whip him, because there are so many nutcase prosecutors nowadays that are charging young kids criminally for sexual curiosity.

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I agree, try to get the parents involved. That way there are no misunderstandings, and the freindship isnt severed. If you dont say anything to them it will only build up in your heart. They may not be aware that their child knows these things.Wouldn't you want to know if the situation were reversed so that you could correct her thinking? Just my 2 cents. :p I hope it all works out.

 

secondchance

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our children learn from others and much to our dismay it isnt always things that we aprove of. children are curious about what they see, and all they need is a leader to try or say things. they repaet what they hear and see.

simply telling them no does'nt garantie that it lands on fruitfull ears (so to say).

 

what has helped me is to break it down, and the kids also understand it better. just explaining it on their level.

with my first child in school, home came a familiar "stop, drop and roll". so i changed it to "stop, think and then do". a very good help for that was my little one who wet their pants durring potty training. if they wet their pants i told my oldst (follower), ok its your turn.

that was perfect for using as an example for not doing things just because others do it.

every time i explain the why and give reasons why not, then they were able to follow my train of thought and started thinking more about things.

 

we did have a doctor episode......

i told the children that it was not ok. i did tell the mother of the other child, she thought it was so funny and laughed it off.

that meant that i at least had to sharpen our kids sences. it was a good oportunity to talk about our private area and strangers as well. and about good secrets and bad ones.

i told our kids that it wasnt a bad thing to talk about it, and god made our bodys wonderfull. but, since our parts are private others also have private parts. they were very welcome to come and talk to mommy about anything and everything, and other mommys felt the same way about their kids.

then the think part; if they play doctor or get into to much mischif the other moms might not want them to play together anymore.

in order to not leave them at the think part, we talked about other things to do and play. and how proud i was of them.....

 

in grade 5 our schools educate the kids, age apropriate material, how their bodys will develop and about alcohol. the great thing was that all of this was all about making good decisions. pretty soon 'because my mom said so' wasn't going to be enouogh anymore. so they were focusing on making a good decision, doing the right thing.

it made me realize that small kids most often see things as the right way because my mom said so.

 

it made me realize once more, that when i take the time to explain why or why not and give them reasons as to why or why not, i am teaching my child how to think.

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my daughter will be 12 in 2 weeks and ugh I am not looking forward to all these talks with her I hope and pray that everything we have taught her remains with her when she has to make tough decisions.

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