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chellebell6

Discussing SEX & PUBERTY with daughter...HELP!!!

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I could really use some Godly advice and counsel. My oldest just turned 11 in December. I know she's nearing the whole period and puberty phase. I gave her a brief rundown on what to expect with a period, a few of her friends have just recently started, and she'll tell me that they talk about it. My problem is, I think her life has been pretty sheltered so far. She's always been in private school, and it's small. I don't think she's had much, if any, exposure to "sex talk". I don't know if I should talk to her about the whole reason as to why she'll get periods, and the whole sex thing. I really don't want to. It makes me sick to think about! What's an appropriate age, and what do you say to an 11 year old girl? I need some help from those of you who have dealt with this!!! My mom never told me about any of this growing up. I wasn't brought up in a christian home. I want to do what's right, but am feeling extremely uncomfortable about talking to her! HELP!!!!:o TIA!!!

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My kids attend private school, and you would be shocked to learn what they already know. I'm not trying to send your head spinning. My daughter just turned 12 and at the end of 5th grade { last year } she knew the whole thing. Yea it's a little stressful but I bring it up here and there like if something happens on a commercial or she hears something. I am very uncomfortable discussing it with her as well but it actually gets easier each time. I am a strong believer in eduacating them in this manner so then it won't be so curious and new later.

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I think the most impportant thing aside from prayer and seeking God's words of wisdom is to place alot of importantce on regrets. Sex before marraige will give her a life of many spent regrets. She'll give her heart away emotionally and she wont be ready for that. Each time she gives her purity to someone she is giving away a piece of herself that she can never get back. AND One day if she decides to marry, she will want to offer him her whole heart, untainted, clean and pure!!!!

 

I thank God that He helped me to stay a virgin.My husband too! I cant imagine comparing that in my marriage.There is so much Joy in learning that together and not having a past experince to compare it with.It is one regret that I am glad I dont have to deal with.

 

 

I hope that helps. I fear for the day when I have to talk to my boys. I still have a while!!!!;)

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Well, My husband and I talked about how to talk to our kids about the whole sex thing and because my mom started her period at 9. I told my 9 year old about periods. MY daughter was really interested in animal planet shows a lot so we explained her questions then Rick and I talked to her because she asked. Told her what the BIble says about sex.

 

That is what we did because we wanted to teach her not the Public School and that is where my kids go to school.

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Whenever the time comes to discuss sex with my daughter, I'll do it like my mom did with me: openly, honestly, and without unnecessary details. My mom always made it clear that I was free to ask her anything without feeling guilty or shameful, and she always answered honestly without being shocked. I think as long as you are candid about things and make it a point to not overwhelm her with "the speech", it'll go just fine. Remember that telling her about sex doesn't have to be one huge talk where you end up nervous and she ends up disgusted. It can be several smaller talks whenever the topic comes up, like Heather said.

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It can be several smaller talks whenever the topic comes up, like Heather said.

 

This is the way it was with my dd. She is 16 now and knows it all. But it started with small questions here and there, i would answer only what she asked me. I didn't ever add more to it then she wanted to know. Untill the day when she started asking me questions about the whole deal. Like where things go and all. That was a little uncomfortable but I would rather she know the truth then what she might here from friends. They don't always tell you the whole truth.

 

I was raised by my granny so i didn't even know what a period was when i started at 11. In my granny's day you didn't talk about such things, but I made up my mind that I was going to be different with mine.

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i really can't fallow the "being emarrased" part about talking about it to our grownig daughter.

its part of what makes us women , women. we talk about having pms to a friend, sister, our husbands......

 

and if mom is so embarassed about it all, then it must be really a bad thing to talk about, and an awfull thing that will happen to me. i better not talk to her about it, ill ask my friends instead.......

 

dont make it a dark looming storm cloud that is coming up on the horizon.. see it as a privlage that you as moms are allowed to share with your daughters and guide them through.

 

as a child i saw pads in my moms bedroom. i found them so facinating because i didnt know what they were, my mom would only tell me they were hers. thats all. so one day when i was about 9 or 10 i snuck a pad outside. since i couldnt figure out what it was for, i used it to blow my nose! some times i wonder how hard the neighbors might have laughed!

i decided to be open with my girls.

the firt time it came up was .....when they were small and sitting in the closet practicing countig with pads. i told them they were pads, and it wasnt a toy. that it was for ladies and for bigger girls, and when they were big enough and ready i would tell them all about it. sometimes they would refer to them as " mommys diapers". :rolleyes:

as the yaers went by they learned that they are for when mommy has her period. but still didnt know what a period was.

in our school all the grade 5 students , girls and boys separate, get a short film and a lesson on how their bodys will develop and that it is normal.

a healthcare profesional comes in and the kids can ask questions. the public health nurse also brings all kinds of pads with to class for the girls to see and tell them what they are for and how they are used, and about hygiene.

simply because not all moms tell their daughters.

 

i recently followed up on the small hints and talks i had had with my oldest daughter. i weaved in a few senarios as to what would you do if you got your period durring school? who she could tell and what to say.....how to keep track of a cycle.....

to my daughter it is now a part of growing up, she even had a few questions, and is not at all scared of the big dark cloud that is a cause for embarassment.

 

if you can exept it as a part of womanhood and talk about it, that will give your daughters confidance, and they will become strong women with good self esteem, and they will come to you and talk about all the changes they are going through, instead of asking their friends.

 

heads up and throw the red face out the window. if you don't want to sit across from your daughter like in an interview, massage her feet, talk when you do her nails....fold laundry with her...... or bake somthing and chat and listen

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Because of the way the world is this is a topic that is of the utmost importance. I have a friend who bought The Story of Me, and the rest of the books in the series which are books your read with your children starting as early as age 3. Each book is geared for a certain age level. My daughter is turning 3 and we already talk about mommies having babies in their bellies until they are ready to come out. Very light mind you, but she already asks lots of questions! We will be reading "The Story of Me" or something equivalent with her very soon which just explains the difference between a boy and a girl, and how God created us all uniquely. For anyone who is uncomfortable with such conversations I think these books are the perfect tool for them. Of course I take every opportunity to represent life clearly to my daughters, at least my 3 year old, explaining that only mommies have babies, that boys and daddies don't wear dresses, and it is hard not to address because I almost always havea friend who is pregnant or just had a baby, so she gets to see women go from small belly, to big belly, to small belly with a tiny baby. And any time we can witness an animal being born I would go for it (we watched a horse born on tv and that was awesome, not the slightest bit yucky either). I don't know about any of you, but if your kids are around other kids and families it is wise to start these talks early because as some of you highlighted, you would be surprised what they hear even in the private schools. I want to be the first one to talk to my kids, I don't want anyone else taking that spot.

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I have talked to my daughter (11 1/2) somewhat , last year in fifth grade their teacher talked with them also. She is in such denial though about the whole thing, and I tell her I want her to know and be prepared, I was never told anything at all. As far as sex and all that I dont even know where I would start. But I do know that I dont want her to be embarrased and to feel as she can talk to me . Which is the exact opposite of me.

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Lots of good avice. One thing I do that worked for my mom is not to make it all ONE BIG DISCUSSION. I explained to my girls at one time the basics of where babies come from, and recently covered the period and tampons and pads, but I try not to make it a long drawn out thing. I answer all their questions no matter how embarrassing so they feel can ask me anything.

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My dd is 14. She was very curious and asked very detailed questions around age 8. I explained sex in the terms of "when a man and woman are married and want to have a baby..." Then I explained the physical process. She thought it was gross. She still says that she thinks it is gross and that she never wants to do it and will get pg through artificial insemination. :rolleyes:

I don't know if I did a bad job or a good one. I have tried explaining things better, but I also have some embarassment and I don't want her going out and having sex now so I figure her attitude is ok for now. But, I don't want her to be an adult with that attitude. :o

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last year one of our kids asked "what does sex mean?"

well, you know how some words have more meanings than one (see and sea) well sex is one of thouse words.

1. male or female for example on our drivers lic.

2. it also has another def. about grown ups. and in a little while i think you will be grown up enough to tell you all about it.

 

our children have asked weather they need to be married in order to have children, or if they can have them without getting married?

i told them that it is possible, but god wants a baby to have a mommy and daddy.

 

so its allready giving bits and pieces of info, kind of like preparing the soil.

and when you think about it the woman is the soil and the man has the seeds!

so i think it will be a good way to explain it all ....soon. the soil and the seeds! and that is also easyer for them to understand!

 

some children think about these things sooner, and others are totaly oblivious. so its kind of giving info as it comes up.

 

when kids see a pregnant woman and ask how the baby got in there, they usualy, unless they are older, are not asking about sex.

the baby didnt get in there, it started growing as a little tiny seed.

when my friends son asked how the baby would come out, she explained to him that when the baby was ready, that god invented a special door that opens so the baby can be born.

if you are open in feeding little bits of info, then by the time the serious questions start, you don't panic, because you and your child are already comfortable talking about little things.

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My husband and I recently attended a Family Life Marriage conference where we purchased a great tool for just what your are looking for!! The Passport to Purity for teens is a great way to talk about the plans GOd has for both our sons and daughters in a fun way- a book for the child and some fun experiments- just check your local Christian book store or online at FAmilylife.com... I have a 14 yr old son and 12 yr old daughter- let them hear the facts and God's truths from you!! In Him-

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I could really use some Godly advice and counsel. My oldest just turned 11 in December. I know she's nearing the whole period and puberty phase. I gave her a brief rundown on what to expect with a period, a few of her friends have just recently started, and she'll tell me that they talk about it. My problem is, I think her life has been pretty sheltered so far. She's always been in private school, and it's small. I don't think she's had much, if any, exposure to "sex talk". I don't know if I should talk to her about the whole reason as to why she'll get periods, and the whole sex thing. I really don't want to. It makes me sick to think about! What's an appropriate age, and what do you say to an 11 year old girl? I need some help from those of you who have dealt with this!!! My mom never told me about any of this growing up. I wasn't brought up in a christian home. I want to do what's right, but am feeling extremely uncomfortable about talking to her! HELP!!!!:o TIA!!!

 

 

So how did this go?

 

I bought a book for my daughter when she was 7 years old and my God daughter at 9 years old. They were really cute little book. It was call how to care for your body.

I was going to save it for her until like 9 or 10 years old.

Low and behold she found the book and read it.

She ask me questions and I did answer some of them and others, I told her when she get to the right age. That age is the age of maturity. It is different from girl to girl. There is no set age to open up these type of conversations. At school the girls went to the multi purpose room to watch the film. My daughter was ok and had no questions. She had already read the book.

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