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marshaleigh

Need advice on seperation from husband

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Husband and I have been married for 7 years. Dated for 3 years before that. We experienced 3 miscarriages in one year. Stopped trying for a year and eventually became pregnant (without trying LOL). Have a beautiful son who turned 2 years old today. After the 1st miscarriage I became depressed but did not admit it or even try to get help. I thought that I was a leveled headed, well-educated person that did not want to admit it. Since having my son I have been more overwhelmed and anxious about everything. Thinking that I was not good enough, not doing anything the right way, always worried about what others thought......... Just before this past Christmas, my husband basically stopped communicating/talking to me. I continuously asked him what was wrong. He said it was work. He eventually told me (3 days after Christmas) that he thought I was depressed or something was wrong with me and thought that I needed to go se my doctor. I did...had bloodwork....everything turned out okay....started taking meds for depression and anxiety. A month and a half later he blows up at me, telling me that he can't take it anymore. 2 days later he tells me that he is filing papers so my son and I moved to my parents' house (I thought it would only be for a few days or a week or so). That was almost 4 months ago. No papers have been yet. He gets our son about 2 days a week. He still tells me that he loves me and kisses me when he brings our son back. However, whenever I have mentioned us coming back home or him talking to me he says he doesn't want to hear it and gets mad.

I'm at a complete loss. I need prayers, answers, suggestions, comments, anything.............I dearly love my husband. I know that I was in a state of depression and could not snap out of it. However, this seperation has changed me for the better. I want him to realize that and give me a second chance to prove that I can make our marriage even better than it was before.

Love and blessings.

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Wow. At 19 I had a son who died from SIDS when he was around 2mths. I honestly thought that I had dealt with it and moved on with my life. Fast forward 6 years later when I got married and had my first child. I was pertrified with fear, as you can imagine. I went through a phase of staying up all night to watch her sleep so that if anything that could possible happen I would be there. Finally exhaustion stepped in and my husband walked out. I ended up bwing placed on meds and I was "fine" but I had to mend the relationship with my husband. We both had to enter into marriage counseling and he had to know for sure that I heard him. I know that I probalby forced him out of Kila's life b/c I was petrified. Pray and seek God and suggest individual counseling for yourself and couples counseling as well. To God's glory we just celebrated our 8th year of marriage and we have 3 beautiful girls.

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good3mom has some really good advice. Also remember, it's not your fight. You have to give it to the Lord and pray, pray, pray. Lift your husband and your relationship up in prayer. And continue to pray for yourself, ask God that He would continue to strengthen you and help you physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually. If you stop trying so hard it by giving it to God, it will work out better. I heard Dr. James Dobson talk about relationships being like a bungy cord. The more you try to get your husband back, the more he'll pull away. If you give him space, he'll come back more towards you. Hope that helps and I pray that God will restore your marriage! He doesn't want you to get a divorce. It's the enemy who tries to destroy families!

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God can restore your marriage

 

Both
- Husband and I have been married for 7 years.

Dated for 3 years before that.

 

Children
-
We
,
:D
(here is a we) experienced 3 miscarriages in one year. Stopped trying for a year and eventually became pregnant (without trying LOL). Have a beautiful son who turned 2 years old today. After the 1st miscarriage

 

I
- I became depressed but did not admit it or even try to get help.

I thought that I was a leveled headed,

Well-educated person that did not want to admit it.

Since having my son I have been more overwhelmed and anxious about everything.

Thinking that I was not good enough, not doing anything the right way, always worried about what others thought......... Just before this past Christmas,

 

my husband
- my husband basically stopped communicating/talking to me. I continuously asked him what was wrong. He said it was work. He eventually told me (3 days after Christmas) that he thought I was depressed or something was wrong with me and thought that I needed to go se my doctor.

 

I
- I did...had blood work....everything turned out okay....started taking meds for depression and anxiety.

 

my husband
- A month and a half later he blows up at me, telling me that he can't take it anymore. 2 days later he tells me that he is filing papers so

 

I
- my son and I moved to my parents' house (I thought it would only be for a few days or a week or so). That was almost 4 months ago. No papers have been yet.

 

my husband
- He gets our son about 2 days a week. He still tells me that he loves me and kisses me when he brings our son back.

However, whenever I have mentioned us coming back home or him talking to me he says he doesn't want to hear it and gets mad.

 

I
- I'm at a complete loss. I need prayers, answers, suggestions, comments, anything.............

I dearly love my husband.

I know that I was in a state of depression and could not snap out of it.

 

God moved in you
- However, this separation has changed me for the better.

 

I
- I want him to realize that and give me a second chance to prove that I can make our marriage even better than it was before. Love and blessings.

 

When two are join together they are one, my question to you is this,

Ask yoursef this is my husband saved? Put Jesus first, pray for salvation and restoration in Christ Jesus and look to Jesus from whence cometh our help.

God can restore your marriage if you put him first in your life.

I offer this prayer for your family;

 

Father, we come today lifting you up above all things.

Father, that you will draw all men unto you.

Father, we come seeking you love, grace and mercy for this family

Father, we come seeking for your will to be done in this family.

Father, we come to pray that eyes and ears be open to your word and

Your voice of faith will touch lives here in this situation.

Father we are asking if you would move in this marriage and remove the
(I's)
and join them as one, and one in Christ Jesus.

Father we know that only you can work to restore marriage.

Father we know that only you can mend the broken hearted

Father we know that only you can make new relationships.

Father we ask for complete healing for marshaleigh, healing for the mind, body, soul and spirit.

Father, we pray and ask if you would start to put the pieces in place that you are doing in their lives.

Father, send forth the Holy Spirit to move that they will put you first and that all the pieces will fall in place, as you have planned.

Father we pray that marshaleigh, will come to know that it is by your hand, that this marriage will be restored.

Father move in her behalf and restore, refresh and make new this situation.

In Jesus name. Amen

.

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Pray and seek God and suggest individual counseling for yourself and couples counseling as well.

 

Thank you all so much for the advice and prayers. I started individual counseling a couple of weeks after our seperation. However, I had suggested before our seperation that we go to marriage counseling. My husband completely shot down that idea and told me that he refused to go because I was the one with the problem and not him. I know, as well as my own counselor knows, that he needs to seek counseling by himself or better yet along side with me, however, I accept that he is (and may never be) willing to do that.

 

I am very stong in my faith and belief that God has a plan for me and watches over me every second. I also am a firm believer in first marriages and totally against divorce. I know that the Lord has place obstacles in my life in order to prepare me for future situations in my life. On the other hand, my husband is not strong in his faith and beliefs. I have tried over the 10 years that we have been together as a couple to encourage him to attend church with me and even more so since the miscarriages and having our son. However, he has never shown any interest and questions many things that have occured in his life that put further doubt and question in his faith. I have prayed over this many times. I know that I need to pray over this continuously. Lately, I have just felt like I didn't know how to pray over my marriage and the hope that my husband will want me back and forgive me for my past actions. I realize that I redirected my focus away from our marriage and relationship and put it fully on the miscarriages and the desire to have a baby with my husband and then later completely on our son (in fear that I would loss everything).....when in fact I have lost everything (my best friend and husband) since our seperation.

 

Man.....I've really rambled. Sorry for being so long, it was just heavy on my heart and mind.

 

Please continue with the thoughts, prayers, and advice.

Love and blessings!

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You will be ok

 

1 Corinthians 7 Read This Chapter

7:14 For the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the husband:

 

God has forgiven you, look forward and don't look back.

Walk in the light that he has forgiven and continue to pray for your husband.

God has brought you a might long ways.

 

Receive it and speak of you and him as we, believe it, live it and speak it our of your heart, God has made a way out of what seem to be no way.

Walk by faith and not by sight. You do know how to prayer. You pray just like you are talking to us. Just talk to God daily and thank him for moving in you and in your husband. For when God move in you he move in the other.

You are one joined together by God. Amen

 

He has deliver you to help someone else, study he word, there you will find peace.

 

I will continue to pray for both including your son.

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Of course, be in prayer for your husband. For yourself. For your son. For your marriage.

 

At this point, I can only think that you should ask your husband what his plan is - what does he require to see/hear from you in order to be ready to talk - what is his expectation about what you are to be doing right now. Would he accept a quick question or two when he picks up/drops off your son? If not, maybe write him a letter explaining a bit of what you've said here - that his leaving has opened your eyes, that you are in counseling, and that you'd like to know what he needs you to do in order for him to feel safe.

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I totally feel for you...remember that God's Word says, "In the same way, you wives, be submissive to your won husbands so that even if any of them are disobedient to the word, they may be won without a word by the behavior of their wives as they observe your chaste and respectful behavior..." (1 Peter 3:1-2) It's hard to do sometimes more than others. There are other support groups specifically for unbelieving husbands online just Google "Without a Word." I pray that you won't have to say a thing, that God will give you the wisdom when/what to say and have others (like us) interceed on your behalf when you don't have the words to say or just look up scripture and pray it over you and him.

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Ok sorry I haven't been around lately I have been busy with school. Marshleigh welcome to CM seeming that you are new please don't take offense to what I am about to say. Most people here will tell you I am brutually honest at times with a side of kick in the pants...so here it goes.

 

Your post angers me, nothing you said just the situation in general. Your hubby needs to pull his head out of his butt and grow up. Depression is nasty and it can really overwhelm you and change a person. Dealing with miscarriages and everything that goes with it is a lot. I'm sure your hubby feels loss as well, it is his responsibility to deal with that. Your dealing with yours. You def. need counseling and if he refuses than shame on him. I would make the appointments tell him when they are and go. His happiness isn't your responsibility hun. He is a grown man.

 

I would move my butt back into my house and tell him that since he wants ot file he can move out. I am speaking from experience here. I get so angry with men they want us to be their moms, and take care of them and sometimes when it gets a little rough or things don't care their way they clam up, blame us and whine. I'm sorry if i sound angry I am.

 

My husband of 15 yrs had an affair 6 yrs ago and we are still together although I am probably going to file divorce. I take anti depressants and of course according to him something is wrong with me. It is easy to blame someone else for your shortcomings the hard part is lookin gin the mirror and saying what do I need ot do to help this marriage and till your hubby is ready to do that things won't change. Whether he likes it or not it takes TWO.

 

Hang in there, i know it's hard but you continue to grow don't allow ANYONE ever to stop you from being the person that you are meant to be. Turn the tables on him, wake him up a little.

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I understand completely. I have been a member of CM for awhile and havent been on the site in months. I am going thru a similar situation with my husband and am tempted with getting a divorce and then remember what the Bible says and what God would want me to do. I ask for prayer for my marriage, myself, and my husband. The season of life we are in is difficult, and we are going to marriage counseling together. I am at a lost some days and just want to give up and runaway. I never knew that marriage could be so hard sometimes.

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I would ask your husband not to kiss you, if He has no intentions of getting back together with you. You are not a friend with benefits.

 

 

Every marriage goes through valley's and mountain tops. If you are willing to fight for your marriage on your knees God can do great things. As you pray for your husband something happens to him in the spirit realm. He is unaware if this. So go for it full throttle. Pray always and consistantly for God to get a hold of his heart. He is certainly working in yours. ALl you can do is change yourself. Which you are doing.

 

 

Then watch,. wait..... AND FALL completly head over heals in love again.... with your first Love... Jesus! Let him be the one to melt your heart and send you floating.

 

 

secondchance

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(((((((HUGS))))))) I wish I had the right words to say. My best advice is to talk with a counselor immediately. Or, talk to a minister (even one not at your church if you feel better) who can help you. I really think you both need to be in counseling.

 

Personally, I think its not fair that you moved out?!?!?!? If he is the one wanting the separation, then he needs to be the one to move out.

 

((HUGS))

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