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becky84

Strong-willed Child!!!!!!!!!!!

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I am having a big problem with my 4-year-old daughter. She will NOT do anything for herself! I know it may sound trivial, but she will not learn how to drink from a cup, put on her clothes, she will not even get out of her bed unless I go in and get her up. She will just lay in bed and yell until I come in and tell her to get up. I have left her lay up there and yell for 2 hours before, and she STILL would not get up! It's ridiculous!

 

She seemingly doesn't comprehend the stupidest things, like when I am explaining to her in step-by-step, hands-on instructions how to do something, and then she just looks at me while half-way attempting to do what it is I just showed her for the past 5 minutes. She is a bright child, so I am completely frustrated that she seems unable to do these things. It's almost like she doesn't want to learn these simple life tasks. I mean, getting out of bed? Come on! I am at the end of my rope. I have even considered just letting her go thirsty until she gets desperate enough to drink from the cup, or letting her pee her pants if necessary until she decides it really is important to get her overalls off. Has anyone else dealt with this kind of thing?

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I also have a very strong willed 4 year old girl. She went through the not getting out of bed until I came in. She still does this occasionally but seems to have moved on to other things now. I will be praying for you that she moves through this phase in a hurry!!! I will also pray for your sanity and patience.

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gotta love 4 yr olds...my 14 yr old doesn't get out of bed lol.

 

Maybe go buy her a cute alarm clock and set it for the time she needs to get up. Tell her that big people use alarms clocks to wake up with. Then make a chart and if she gets up every morning for 5 in a row she gets some reward. An extra 15 minutes to stay up, choosing a movie to watch, $1.00 fries at McDonalds or whatever. Just don't show her the snooze button

 

As far as the cup, does she drink out of a sippy cup? if so does it really matter in the big scheme of things sippy cup with a lid to keep floors and carpets clean or a regular cup. Sometimes you have to decide what is worth the fight and what isn't. Getting out of bed is necessary. Drinking from a regular cup vs a sippy cup who cares. She'll do it when she is ready and why stress yourself out over a cup?

 

The overall thing, those are hard for kids to get off. My kids had a hard time taking them off at 6. Overalls are cute but are they worth the fight and fustration? Put her in elastic waist pants for now. Letting her pee her pants because she can't get overallls off would be degrading and embarrassing for her not to mention she still probably wouldn't be able to get them off.

 

Kids are fustrating, but you have to ask yourself a really important question. Is it worth the battle? And why is making her do this so important in life? Always always remember to choose your battles, and for now remember she has only been on this earth for 4 yrs that's not very long.

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Have you always done things for her? Maybe she's just used to you doing everything and giving in on the sippy cup. NOw that you are ready to move on and change she's not and she's pushing her limits.

 

All I can say is just stick to it....consistancy is the key. There's going to be lots of headaches but let her lay in bed, don't give her anything to drink, etc. She will eventually get the idea. You are the parent, not her, so don't let her do the controling.

 

Good luck.

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I agree that consistancy is the key, if you have to develope a new thing with her just stick to it, dont give in. Let her throw the fit and just remind her that you wont reward bad behavior... then spend alot of time with her after that. I know that with my son I finally figured out that sometimes the reason he was doing stuff like that was becasue He needed more attention from me so he was acting up to get it. So give her postive attention when she is not bevaving badly and she might do better the other times.

 

Good luck, and pray for patience before you go into her, so that you dont loose your sanity. Cause I know what thats like. Try to deal with her firmly and calmly...

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Thanks guys, it is frustrating but I know she will get these things eventually. My daughter has been like this since the second she was born, and until I understood that there was a term "strong-willed child", I always thought I was a bad mother with no instinct or something. Which was remedied once my son came along and he is the exact opposite, at least for now. So I knew it wasn't me! But anyway, I have always done things for her, mostly just to get it done faster (I am impatient too, did I mention that? Ahh, the teenage years will be fun for us...); my husband is usually the one saying, "Honey, let her wipe herself. She can do it."

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don't think of it as strong willed think of her as being strong, determined, and knowing what she wants out of life.

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Hi- I have a very strong willed 2 year old myself. Everyday for a very long time we fought a battle over getting dressed. I mean everyday- to the point were I would cringe just thinking about getting up in the am because I knew she would not want to wear anything, and even after she picked something out she would take it off 5 min later and we would start all over again. I started praying for her to change in this area, and she did. I highly recomend it!

On another note, much of my formal education and work experience is in child development and early childhood special education ( behavior or social emotional skills.) So I must say- that yes it actually is important that she knows how to drink out of a regular cup. This is an important oral motor skill that should be well developed by now. Some of this is stubburness forsure, but you might want to look into norms for this age group- If you want I have lots of info on that so just let me know. She should be able to follow a 4 step direction at the age of 4, but if she is struggleing in that area, start with 2 step directions and work up. My daughter has a gross motor delay, and I know that they things they dont excell at are the things they least want to practice, but just find sneaky ways to make it fun!

ps - I would most certianly put those sippys in a tote and tell her they are gone! NO LOOKING BACK :)

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Thanks guys, it is frustrating but I know she will get these things eventually. My daughter has been like this since the second she was born, and until I understood that there was a term "strong-willed child", I always thought I was a bad mother with no instinct or something. Which was remedied once my son came along and he is the exact opposite, at least for now. So I knew it wasn't me! But anyway, I have always done things for her, mostly just to get it done faster (I am impatient too, did I mention that? Ahh, the teenage years will be fun for us...); my husband is usually the one saying, "Honey, let her wipe herself. She can do it."
My sil's kids are 13 & 11, and are still this way for the simple fact, that she always did stuff for them, and now they treat her like crap... I don't want this to happen to you..Kids are smart, and they learn early on what they can and can't get away with...I too am impatient, but I have learned to bite my tongue..and just walk away sometimes....I would just leave her there...Go and make a big deal in the other room about what a great day today is going to be, and whats going to go on...How much fun your going to have...Her curiosity will get the best of her...And I agree on the pick your battles fight..its hard, but it will save your sanity in the end..I will pray for you!!

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