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Llh1107

Future working mom and feeling like an inadequate Christian.

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My husband and I hope to have our first child in the next couple years or sooner. We have already discussed many times in length about me staying home for a couple years versus going back to work. My heart desires to stay home especially while children are small but husband is pretty clear on wanting me to go back to work. Husbands income is more than mine but mine is a good supplemental income plus I get great, affordable family health insurance through my job only. Husband wants me to resume full time work even after children. It's killing me.

 

We do not live extravagantly however we do have a decent home although again its nothing fancy (which I dont need). We live within our means, don't drive expensive cars, don't go shopping for unnecessary things much, etc. so it's not like we want or expect some super lifestyle. everything however is costly in our state (new jersey).

 

All the moms at church seem to stay home and I feel such pressure that if I don't or can't stay home, I will be viewed as less of a mom or less of a Christian woman than most. I'm really struggling with this. Does anyone have any feedback on this? I feel like I won't fit into the typical Christian mom stereotype and it's really affecting me negatively.

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Changing our husbands

 

Hi! A lot of times husbands do change. When we as wives submit to our dear men and obey the LORD as stated in 1 Peter 3, He does draw husbands to Him. Don't worry about fitting into a stereotype, just follow the LORD and please Him who created you :)

Practically speaking, unless you have acquired a lot of debt, many times wives truly can stay home. They may have to be a bit creative and give up things they don't realize at the moment are costing money, but it can be done. I've never worked during our entire married life and we have 11 children. Many blessings to you!

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I understand your dilemma. 12 years ago I was working full time and pregnant with our first child. I wanted to stay home for a while when the baby was born. God did direct our family to take that journey. Everyone's journey is different though. I found that while I worked outside the home I had pressure from stay-at-home moms. When I stayed home full-time I had several working moms tell me I was wasting my degree and I really wasn't providing for my children's future. I say this to mean that no matter what road you take you will find people who will stand by your side and others who will belittle you or question your beliefs. Keep your focus on God and He will always direct your path. Please don't let other stay-at-home moms or working moms influence your decision. It is a decision that you and your husband have to pray about and decide together. Follow God's lead. If your husband is against you staying home and you can't come to an agreement, try getting a trusted Christian friend or counselor to talk it through with both of you. God bless you on your journey...whatever it may be:)

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I tried going back and didn't last 2 months when my kids were young.  Neither did my husband, he was begging me to quit!  If you do go back its not always better life, it means he will also have more burden to share.  We had more income but not a quality life.  I did end up staying home until they were in high school.  If I could do it over, I would have homeschooled, and then if I went to work send them to a Christian private school.  The public schools pollute the educational material with sexual and leftist political agendas, including English, and teachers don't use the online tools so they can keep it from parents until after they've already shown your kid their agenda.  Administrations only serve to protect the teachers.  I ended up pulling them out of highschool English and doing online courses for those anyways.  They health class the teacher wouldn't even put together a scope and sequence or list her resources, and when I asked her for it, she sent home a textbook she later said at parent teacher conferences she doesn't even use.  

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It is an exceedingly difficult thing to work and raise young kids. On top of that having a husband adds to the difficulty. It can be a difficult decision to make, go to work, home-school, public school, or private, because somethings are going to fall by the wayside.

Sometimes we choose more income, it does hinder our quality of life.  I ended up putting my child in public school until high school. In order to have a balance in her life. She had a bit of public, and private schools. That way, I do not get complaints from her about I wish I would have spent time in public schools, or I wish I had of spent time in private school. It was the best of both worlds. This world is made up of all kinds of people Christians, non-Christians, different races, backgrounds, and cultures. Some choose to shelter or not shelter. We chose to teach, and instill great values. The bible says, “Train up a child in the way he should go and when he is old, he will not depart from it (Pro. 22:6 [KJV]). I know that is easy said than done.

When I was a kid, I did not know that life had so many choices, roads, do’s, and don’ts. I must say I often had to ask God, to open the eyes of my heart.

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