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momof three

Mothers-in-Laws

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Help!!! Does anyone else out there have a terrible relationship with their mil?? It just seems to get worse instead of better. She has always been jelous of me ( she just recently tole me "She knows I take her son from her, but she is over that") we just had our 8th wedding ann. in dec. How over it can she be? Sometimes I really feel that she would be happy if I was just out of the picture all togethor.

 

I don't talk to her, and I don't go to her house when my husband and kids do. But then I am accused of thinking I am better than them. Anyone have any suggestions???

 

~mom of three

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MIL

 

Hi,

I don't have much sound advise right now, as my children are all ill and it has been a most difficult winter. But I just want to tell you, you are NOT alone! I have virtually no relationship with my mil, although she might think otherwise. She is rather odd. I have always been gracious and hospitable, but she just makes things hard. Fortunately, I know it is not me, as everyone else sees her as "odd" too. But still, it is sad. And when she is rude to my family, it hurts me. There is NO reason for it. I just do my best and think to myself, "what would Jesus do". It is still hard, but at least I know I am doing my best. I am very sorry for your difficult situation. I will keep you in my prayers. Remember, God sees your efforts and thats all that matters. Sorry if this wasn't much help, but I at least wanted to respond. All for now.

Tea

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Put yourself in her shoes ?

 

I have a reasonable relationship with my Husband's Mother , but as with all relatuonships we do have our sticking points.

 

A wee bit of advise , remember you may be a Mother-In-Law too one day , so act as you'd like to be treated by your children's spouses a bit further down the line.

 

Genesis 2:24 Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.

an old saying wich also says this -

" a daughter is a daughter all her life , but a son is a son 'til he takes a wife "

is partially true , but quite often the daughters move away to be with thier Husband's family and the son stays put and his wife has to deal with MIL on a regular basis [ or often does the looking after in later years ]

 

The lady in question is your husband's mother [ obvious really !] and your children's grandmother for both reason's she should be respected and nothing should be done to interfere with that !

 

Keeping away from her will just alienate yourself and helps no-one , if the children are unwittingly being draw into a 'take sides' situation.

 

I don't know anything about you personaly , but surely you can treat her as you would anyone you came acros in life ? Maybe it's just me and the Village life I'm used to , but it's not difficult to talk to people and bid them the time of day or pass comments on life in general with out getting into a war of words .

 

I'm sure there must be verses of scripture which would deal with this , perhaps we all should take time to make sure we are treating OUR M-I-Ls the way we should.

 

Incidentaly - Granny is a very useful person don't underestimate the Lady !

 

 

W2

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Boy isn't it hard not getting along with your mil. I used to have an awful relationship with her, she felt as though I took her son away. It took a long time and lots of talks for us to work it out. I never not visited with her though. Even if I didnt like being around her I did it for the children. We now after almost 7 years have a good relationship although there are times when she bugs me (lol) It just takes work and a willingness on both of your parts and prayer. Good luck to you.

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It can improve....

 

Hi There Everyone AND Momofthree,

I agree with the post that was after mine I think, about putting oneself in anothers shoes. I may not particularly like my MIL, as she is odd. But, we have never had one cross word. I am always polite and hospitable, (even if I dread it). She is quiet, not too talkative, moody and a bit lacking in the manners department. But I tell myself, I have not walked in her shoes and I don't know the root cause of these behaviors. Therefore, I do as my parents have advised me and I "BE NICE"...it almost kills me, but even if she is flat out rude, I just ignore it and be nice. Believe me, it is hard. Inside I want to say "what is your problem?". But I TRY, to behave as Christ would want. Fortunatley, they don't live too close. But the holidays are hard. I have never had the "you took my son away" problem, so I am grateful about that. She is just a very difficult person to be around. She sort of spreads gloom and tension. Something is a little askew. I sympathise with those of you who HAVE had to deal with the "you took my son" problem. I do think with much prayer and patience, things may get better for you. I think the post just above this one said that her relationship with her MIL has improved. Hang in there....Nothing is impossible with God. :)

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Some helpful thoughts

 

Just forget about her... she hasn't come to the revelation that her son was destined to leave and cleave. That's not your fault. Love her, but love her from a distance. If she thinks you're stuck up for deciding to be THE woman in his life, that's not your issue. If he has a problem, don't let him play like the issue isn't him drawing the line with her (trust me, he'll find plenty of reasons to blame you)... put your foot down honey! My grandmother broke up my parents after nine treacherous years- the treacherous part was my sweet granny's fault. My father just never realized, nor was my mother smart enough to point out, that his mother was just trying to keep him on the nip.

Her whole issue with letting him go is just that, HER issue.

My mil and I have had some silent conflict in the past, and it's caused my husband to really have to stand by my side... which he initially didn't really want to do. But I told him "this is my kitchen, and you're my husband now. So you need to decide who the woman is going to be, me or her." He got really mad at me, and said a lot of stupid things. But I forgave him, and when he was done being a baby, I asked him what his decision would be, and by the sound of it I'm sure you've guessed what he decided to do.

Of course, talk to God like the day before, and unless he CLEARLY tells you not to put your foot down, ask for anointing and go with it.

You ARE the man's wife, after all!

Many Blessings!

 

PS You know? Even though it was a definite power struggle, I didn't just let her do whatever she wanted with my husband or child, and she gave her nasty manifestations a time or two. But now we're the best of friends, me and the mil. And it's still a struggle, but she's learning to respect me as the new woman in his life and to respect my boundaries... it's not like they don't share the same last name anymore. You know?

But we've only been married almost 2 yrs, and we have a 10 mo. daughter, plus the folks are on the opposite end of the country.

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Any MIL s out there ?

 

I just wondered if any Christian Moms ARE Mothers-In-Laws ?

 

After all you've got to be a Mother first !

 

We'd like to hear the views from the 'other side of the fence' if you like.

 

It isn't always easy being a DIL so I can't imagine being a MIL is any easier . In fact it must be harder as at least we DILs only have ONE MIL to worry about !!!!

My MIL has : her Husband , one son, 2 married daughters, one teenage daughter, ME plus 2 Sons-In-Law . That's before we even start on the elderly parents and the grandchildren .

 

Looks like this Motherhod career doesn't get any easier :-]

 

W2

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Thanks for all the advice, and please keep me and my mil inyour prayers.

As far as how close or far we live, (10 minutes away) and we go to the same church. A small one (around 200 people on sun. morning)

 

I have realized it is Satan who is benifitting from all of this, we haven't spoke for almost 3 weeks now.

There really are no words, we had a terrible fight, said things that we shouldn't have, and esp. as Christians it shouldn't have happened at all. BUt I am trusting in God to bring us out of this, to show me and her the way to mend it.

 

~Mom Of Three

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MIL

 

My situation is just little different, instead of it being my MIL it was my husbands MIL( in other words my mother). They got along well but the tension and competition was still there lingering. To make matters worse my mom lived with us for three years. It was difficult for all of us especially since my mom is so co dependent. My husband did tell me to put myself in his shoes and look at things from his perspective and that was a revelation to me! I had to take control of my own family and not let my mom manipulate my marriage and the relationship I had with my children. Confiding in a Christian friend of mine of many years she told me that satan wants the tension and competition between my husband and mom because that causes strife and can and eventually will cause a break up of my family. I realized that I needed to honor my husband FIRST. I honor my mom as the bible says to Honor thy mother and father, but my husband and I are one now and my mom (or any MIL) cannot be IN our marriage. She has her place in my life and the lives of my husband and children. She is MIL and grandma. My mom has since moved out and has not been happy at all and has even (always) says things about my husband and marriage, but I have left her in God's hands. That is what I think we need to do leave our moms and MIL's to God and we do what we KNOW God would want us to do, Honor God first and foremost then our husbands, our families, church, then work or anything else that our lives consist of. I have come to know when GOD is first in every part of our lives, things seem to fall in place where they should be. Just a few thoughts I had on the situation. God bless all you out there!

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HI ALTHOUGH MY SITUATION IS NOT EXACTLY LIKE YOURS I TOO HAVE BEEN TRYING TO GET ALONG WITH MY MIL SHE HAS BANDED MY FAMILY FROM VISITING HER AND ALSO WE COULD NT GO TO HER HOUSE FOR CHRISTMAS WE USUALLY GO TO HER HOUSE FOR HOLIDAYS AND I REALLY HAD TO GET ON MY KNEES AND PRAY ALTHOUGH SHE IS BITTER TOWARDS ME AND RESENTFUL I WANT TO WALK IN LOVE IT TOOK ME DAILY TO GET ON MY KNEES AND ASK GOD TO HELP ME NOT TO BECOME BITTER OR ANGRY TOWARD HER I FOUND THAT IT WAS A TREMENDOUS HELP TO ME I LEARNED THAT AS I GAVE IT TO GOD EACH DAY IT SEEM TO BE EASIER FOR ME SO NOW I HAVE NO BITTERNESS TOWARD HER OR ANY RESENTMENT I CONTINUE TO PRAY FOR HER AND ALLOW GOD TO WORK IN HER LIFE HOPE THIS HELPS YOU OUT

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Oh, thank goodness I am not the only one!!! My mother- and father-in-law do not know what unconditional love is. They only speak to us when we are "behaving." I don't know what they said to my husband on his birthday, but they ruined the day for all of us. That had been the second most difficult day of our marriage. Well, since that day in February, they hadn't spoken to us, except to ask for a payment we are making for them.

 

It's kind of strange, but I laugh so as not to get upset. The day I went to take the money to her, I was going to be late picking up my daughter from preschool. She's only three. I didn't go in to my mil's house, because I didn't want my daughter to be waiting alone at school. It's scary for a three-year-old to feel she was forgotten. Well, a month later, I found out that the reason she isn't speaking to me is because I "didn't come in." Oh, brother! What did she want me to do? Have cookies and coffee while my daughter feels abandoned!

 

Every time I think of my mil, I pray that God gives me the heart of Ruth. Maybe if I fast and throw ashes on myself?!?!?!? (LOL)

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I have had several problems with my mother-in-law, She totally stresses me out. Around the time of my wedding she constantly said rude things to me and did not talk to me on my wedding day. It really hurt my feelings and actually ruined a part of my wedding for me.

 

When I became pregnant for the first time she refused to say anything nice and actually screamed at me. Later when I had a miscarriage, she still treated me with great disrespect.

 

It is very hard for me because I generally get along with all people. I know that she is jealous, but it is very hard to deal with.

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I have had several problems with my mother-in-law, She totally stresses me out. Around the time of my wedding she constantly said rude things to me and did not talk to me on my wedding day. It really hurt my feelings and actually ruined a part of my wedding for me.

 

When I became pregnant for the first time she refused to say anything nice and actually screamed at me. Later when I had a miscarriage, she still treated me with great disrespect.

 

It is very hard for me because I generally get along with all people. I know that she is jealous, but it is very hard to deal with.

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mil

 

I was blest with a wonderful Mother-in-law but now my father-in-law was another story.....I found the only way was to be so kind it made him sick. He finally told me one day a few years before he passed away that he love me and appreciated the fact that when I knew he was doing wrong by his wife by going out on her I let him know it...he wasn't a very good example for our 3 sons and they really looked up to him. He died about a year ago and I was the last one there and he took his last drink of water from me. After all the yelling we did over the past 20 years I was really glad we made our peace and things ended the way they did. You just have to remember that God has a greater plan for you and let Him guide you....God Bless you

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