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mommy2liddy

Wishing I could go back to being a SAHM.

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Well, get ready for a lot of reading, because I have a lot to say about this situation. Here's the deal: I had my daughter Lydia in May of 2001 during my junior year of high school. The first summer with her was good. Then I went back for my senior year, which wasn't bad at all, because I only went for half a day. I was only away from Lydia for 4 hours.

Then, after I graduated last year, I decided that I was going to stay home through the fall, and if I decided to go to college that it would be in the spring. Well, I got married to Lydia's father in July of 2002, and enjoyed my time at home with Lydia until January when I started college. That would be great if I had actually wanted to go to college in the first place. The thing is, I took time in the fall to think about whether I wanted to go to college. Well, I told my parents that I really did not want to go. They were upset and so they started giving me incentives to want to go to college. They said they would pay for Lydia's babysitter, give me gas money and spending money for college, and that they would get me a car. It sounded like a very good thing because I would never have that opportunity again. (We live behind my parents in a separate house that is on their land. We are not going to live there forever, so the things they were offering me were basically a limited-time thing.)

You see, at the same time that my parents were trying to convince me to go to college, my husband was wanting me to get a job. I didn't want to do either one, but I figured it would be better to go into a clerical job with some knowledge of what goes on in an office. My husband would have no problem with me staying at home, but we need the money right now. We are trying to buy some land near his dad's house, and we need money to do it. His dad and stepmom also think it is great that I am going to college.

What I would really love to do is to have a part-time job. I get too stressed staying with Lydia all day, but I am miserable being away from her for so long. The bad thing is that I am now resenting my husband in some ways. I resent the fact that he doesn't make enough money for me to even just have a part-time job. I will have to get a full-time job. =( I have tried talking to my husband's stepmom, but she doesn't seem to understand what I am upset about. My mom is the only one who seems to understand why I want to raise my daughter and not have someone else (a daycare or babysitter) raise her. My husband said that even if we could afford for me to stay home all day, that Lydia would still go to a daycare because he thinks she should be around other kids. The babysitter she has now watches children in her home. There are 5 kids total. My husband thinks that after I get a job that Lydia should go to a bigger daycare so that she can be exposed to more children. I don't understand that! She is still socializing whether she is with 4 kids or 10 kids! I am so scared to put her in a large daycare. I want her to get individual attention.

What also makes me mad is that my husband's father and stepmom seem upset that I am not excited about college. I never gave them the idea that I was even slightly excited about it, so why do they seem so disappointed?

I am so stressed right now! I just want to disappear for a while so that I can think. Writing about it helps some, but not much.

All I ever wanted was to be a homemaker. Is that really such a bad thing to be at this day and age? It seems like everyone is baffled at the fact that I actually want to stay at home and clean, cook, and take care of my daughter. I can do without extra money or material things. I just want to spend as much time as I can with Lydia during these first years. I think the reason that this is all upsetting me so much is the fact that I don't plan to have any more children. Is wanting to spend as much time with my daughter as I can too much to ask for?

PLEASE! I would appreciate any advice or support. Please be praying that some sort of compromise would work out. I don't mind working, but I don't want to give up time with my daughter to do it.

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Wow, how hard things are for you right now. My mom was mortified after I had Harry that I didn't want to finish school. She has finally accepted it. I am a stay at home mom and there are certain decisions we make in order for me to be able to be at home. Sometimes I do get stressed with 3 children but my oldest is 6 and I wonder where the time went.

I cannot offer you much advise, I totally disagree about your husband and daycare if you were home. You can set up play dates and things for socialization. Hopefully you will be able to work something out that will work for you & you husband and Lydia. Everyone else just needs to accept what you work out. Write down everything you spend and see what you could cut out in order to save for the land. A part time job seems like a good solution. I do not think there is anything wrong with you wanting to be a homemaker, that is what we are supposed to be. I watch my 4 and 2 year old girls and see their maternal instincts already. Good luck and God bless. I will say a prayer for you and your family.

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I can't offer much advice either , I'm a SAHM by choice and with my husband's full backing , In fact we never seriously considered my being anything else.

Financially things get rocky , but we have enough - I condsider time spent with my children more important than material things [ though they aren't to be sneezed at ]

The Lord provides .

Talk about it , can you do a course part-time or by mail ? part-time work or whatever.

 

hope things work out for you all.

 

W2

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Wonka 2

 

The college course I am taking right now will be over by May, and then I will start an internship. So even though I am here from 8-5 every day, I will only be doing course work for a total of about 5 months (actually less than that, because I think our last class ends on May 6). I started in January. I don't intend to quit college now, as I am almost through with it. I am just frustrated that my life is not turning out as I had hoped. I will more than likely have to get a full-time job at least for the time being. But, I do appreciate the fact that both of you are going to pray about the situation. I really appreciate it very much.

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I can empathize with you totally. First I will tell you my situation , so you will know that you are not alone. I got married in the middle of college. I have never liked college. I went because that is what everyone said I should do. One of the truest teachings I have ever heard was about how you should raise up you children in the way each should go. I learned how each person is different, and God has a special plan for each one. His plan isn't always what parents want for their children. God doesn't plan for everyone to go to college. I believe that since I was very young God had planned for me to be a wife and mother. I was in the National Guard for awhile. My dad was so thrilled about that. When I got married, I gave all that up. It was(is) difficult for me to give up the military. I loved it, but my husband doesn't feel that a woman's place is in the military. Wow! God started teaching me the first week of my marriage about submission. The hardest (it makes me want to scream) part about being married is submitting to my husband. I keep reminding myslef that the Bible says to do all things as unto the Lord. So, I need to submit to him as though I was submitting to God.

 

When we first got married, four and a half years ago, we lived right next door to my mom and dad. When you mentioned that you live by your parents and are planning to live by his parents, it senta big red warning flag. The smartest, best thing we have done for our marriage is get our own land, away from our parents. They can visit us as much as they want and we visit them often, too. The whole idea it that you and your husband become joined together. The Bible never said for us to merge with our parents and become one. When we got our own home, our marriage became so much stronger. We still live only a four minute drive from both families (in this small town, they all live on the other sides of town).

 

Marriage and parenting are each by themselves difficult. My marriage is still so new, there is still so much maturing I have to do. Yet, when I look back I see how much I have grown and matured, it really encourages me, because I can see that God is slowly making me into the Proverbs 31 woman. That is continuously my prayer. I want to be the woman God made me to be. I want my husband to praise me and my children to called me blessed. That is God's plan for me.

 

Pray that God shows you what HE has planned for you. Don't listen to what other people say, except for your husband, because "the head of every woman is man" (1 Co. 11:3). If it is so heavy on your heart to be home with your daughter, pray for God to make a way for you to be home with her. Nothing is impossible for God (Lk 1:37). It has taken 26 years & four years of my marriage for God to reveal His plan for me. Look how long it took for Sarah and Abraham to conceive Isaac. It was many, many years after God told Abraham he would be a Father, before Sarah conceived.

 

Psalm 46:10- "Be still and know that I am God!"

 

If you need a friend to talk to, my e-mail address is

aja@taosnet.com

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Thank you Ani

 

Thank you so much for the advice. Actually, we are not planning to move right next to his dad and stepmom's house. We are looking at some land that is about a mile away, but in the same town. Once we move there, we will be about 45 minutes away from my parents, and about 30 minutes away from my husband's mother and stepfather. I have been praying about the situation and hope God will find some way for me to have a job, but still have lots of time with Lydia. Thanks for all the advice.

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